When No Means No (When Did the Boundaries Get Blurred?)

Hello Dear Amazing Souls,

How has your summer been? It feels like it has been a long time since I last wrote to you. The lovely Deena wrote the last one, about the incredible benefits of MMS in removing Parasites and so much more. Thank you Deena for creating such an incredible program that provides life-changing health benefits. So grateful for you and the work you do. Bassé.

It has been a busy time for me, with hosting retreats and also doing my own work with plant medicines and ongoing pattern belief work with Ginny. To be honest, every day, every moment, and every interaction is an opportunity to grow and learn about myself and others. I have found myself reflecting and speaking about how life gives us many opportunities to reflect and go inward. 

One of the medicine experiences put a spotlight on the irritation I was feeling. Wow, was it ever uncomfortable. I was squirming trying to get out of the irritation and trying to figure out why I was irritated. There were many exterior circumstances happening outside of me that I was allowing to get irritated about and trying to solve the problems to make it stop. Which in turn only adds fuel to the irritation. Ha. So taking my own advice as I was saying to myself about the other situations happening outside of me, just go inside. Was the mirror for myself to go inward.  Wow. I started laughing inside (as it was sacred silence) what a beautiful mirror. 

So guess what? I went in…..dove deep inside of myself to find the peace and tranquility that was calling me all along. What a gift that irritation was. After discovering this peaceful, tranquil part of myself, the clarity came and the answers to my questions were so clear. No confusion….ahhhhhhhh, I am still in awe about this experience. One of the answers that came to me was boundaries, which is what this newsletter is about.  Thank you Mother Ayahuasca.  

When we are in a state of confusion or upset, it means we are in a pattern. Which can stem from a belief, a rule/law we made for ourselves and even a trigger from a trauma. Some examples of patterns are: polarized thinking, over-generalization, unfounded suspicions, greediness, negativity, fixed expectations, self -centeredness, hiding and avoiding, stubbornness, competitiveness, to name a few.  

What came to me during a plant medicine experience with Huachuma was the question: When did the boundaries get blurred when I say ‘no?’ Throughout my life — and perhaps many of you can relate to this — I went ahead and said yes to something when the answer was no. In that moment, I agreed because I felt sorry for the other person, or felt that if I did say no, they would have a less-than desirable reaction, or maybe they wouldn’t want to be my friend anymore. Also, there was an uneasy feeling when I said no and I didn’t pause to feel it through. Being a sensitive person, I feel like I can get sucked into someone else’s energy and make a decision thinking it is authentically mine and true, when it isn’t. Only later finding myself sabotaging everything. What I discovered is that I was making decisions with my mind, and not my heart. I was not honoring myself or my boundary of authenticity.  As a result, this leads me to feeling irritated and frustrated.  

When I have said no, I found myself explaining why — for fear of the other person not understanding, and interpreting my ‘no’ in a negative way. So what I am learning is that I am not responsible for others’ responses to my answers. I am allowed to say no with no explanation. The biggest thing is always being kind in the way of communication, which hasn’t always been the case. My teacher Ginny says to always protect the others’ heart when you are about to take an action or say something. 

I am very curious as to why I am the way I am with saying ‘no’ and boundaries, and it could be for many reasons. Trauma at a very young age, where I was taught that my feelings and ‘no’s’ did not matter, the lack of belief in myself that my no means no, regardless of what anyone says to tell me otherwise, lack of confidence, and this biggie: not knowing myself. 

How do we know our boundaries and what we truly want when we don’t know ourselves? How do we know we are making decisions from the heart or mind? How do we know if we are in a pattern? What I am learning is, when we are in a state of uncertainty, confusion, doubt, or worry, it usually means we are in a pattern. When we are in the heart, there is clarity, flow, peace, expansion and connection. When we are in the state of calm, that’s when we can get to know ourselves on a deeper, more authentic level. The truth will always set you free, and when we are present to the friction parts, kind of like skid marks (and not just the ones in your underwear, lol) along the way, they are great indicators and clues of knowing where you are at in that moment in time. 

Most suffering and confusion happens when we spend our time worrying about the future or are stuck in the past. All we have is now, and this very moment in time is the truth. How we feel is the truth. All perceptions of the future and past are filtered through a lens — that is a program which, more often than not, is untrue. The more work we do on ourselves, the better clarity we have through the lens of life. Getting curious without making it wrong is a gentler way of loving and accepting all aspects that are being revealed to you about yourself and others. There are no mistakes, just experiences which we get to learn from.  

“Relationships enter a new level of harmony when both people do their best to go from attachment to connection, and from expectation to voluntary commitments. Attachments/expectations arise from the need to control; connection/voluntary commitments arise from mutual understanding.”

Yung Pueblo

I would also like to share that I taught my first Kambo Self-Application Course this past weekend, to two amazing students. It was very exciting and scary at the same time. Stepping into teacher mode from practitioner mode certainly took something. I am humbled and honoured, and have deep reverence for the level of responsibility it takes to teach a potent tool with safety and heart. Very, very grateful for both students and look forward to moving forward more in this realm.  

Wishing you all a magical day and thank you for taking the time to read to the end.  Much love and appreciation for all of you. Please feel free to send me an email sharing what comes up for you after reading this newsletter.

Much love, Bassé,

Treenz

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