The actual ceremony is hard to describe. It was so scary and horrifying, yet the medicin felt like a friend. I felt cleansed physically, mentally and emotionally and never doubted the process. Treena was absolutely amazing the whole time. She made me feel so welcome, safe and supported. I would definitely do it again and I would highly recommend it to anyone who feels called to it. I’m filled with awe and gratitude for my Iboga experience.’
I can’t thank Treena enough for holding space for me during this journey–if you can imagine an experience like a relentless storm breaking against the seabord, Treena was a lighthouse. Steady as a rock while my journey took me to the edge of what I thought I could handle mentally and emotionally. Knowing that someone so kind and experienced with the medicine was there help guide the process was an incredible feeling of safety, and I cannot understate the importance of this warmth during a challenge like this.
I would encourage everyone interested in iboga to participate; it’s truly wonderful. Even though I have slipped back into normal existence, the journey has completely changed my interaction with the world and the people in my life. Be open to an experience that could take you to completely uncomfortable, overwhelming, and ultimately amazing places. It will lead to a new beginning, don’t try to control it.
I was ready to break cycles and level up. In society, many individuals attempt to run away from their own shadow. In other words, they disown aspects of themselves. As developing children and adults, we unconsciously mirror this behavior. This keeps destructive cycles alive throughout multiple generations. We are all subjected to the repercussions of an unhealthy society that could be otherwise healed with the right education and action taken. Coping mechanisms like repression, avoidance and learned helplessness are all part of a pandemic that has infected the majority of the mass collective. This can manifest in numerous mental, emotional and physical health issues. It takes real courage to be responsible and process your own baggage. In my opinion, one should do this so that they can show up better in the world, and if not for themselves then for their loved ones. I believe the saying, “One has to be the change they want to see”. Ironically when you do this your inspiration finds the right receptive people, versus imposing your will, which often repels others.I hope this encourages you to do the same. Iboga helped me get closer to the root causes of many destructive patterns.
Spoiler alert! The journey was amazing. It was very dark and intense but this is not to deter anyone. It is personalized for everyone and their intentions. I just wanted to be exposed to myself. My ego may disagree, but why would I be so special as to not have blind spots? It’s too easy to point the finger and judge others without looking inward. I was able to observe things about myself in a more objective way and from various different perspectives. I saw many harsh truths but yet, it was simultaneously the most beautiful thing. The intelligence of Iboga medicine works with you where you’re at and understands what you need. I also found the experience interactive as in, you could go deeper or lessen the intensity consciously. This is my disclaimer as you won’t experience the following unless you are ready, willing and able. Everyone’s needs are different. Iboga understands this and won’t show you what you cannot handle.
At first, I was nervous as I didn’t know what to expect. As soon as I was in the flow of it, I knew I could go all the way. I wanted to release as much unresolved trauma, pain and self-sabotaging beliefs as possible. I wanted to access the feelings my body repressed for my own protection at the time of my senses and reasoning being overwhelmed. An example of this was, I re-lived a representation of physical violence inflicted on me as a vulnerable infant. This occurred before my memory was developed but nevertheless reprogrammed my brain, setting me on a catastrophic trajectory from the beginning. I was able to feel into the terror and let the associated sensations finally express themselves in a safe environment. It felt natural and offered a great degree of relief. I saw many of my deepest fears and learned to laugh in the face of them. In these moments I was the observer and was guided to accept, forgive and let go. It was liberating.
I had never experienced such a profound release of repressed emotion. On the last day it took some time to walk normally again due to the muscle tension associated with trauma being physically released through neurogenic tremors. These types of things are possible without Iboga, but the experience covered a lot of ground in a short amount of time. For similar results, I think one would need years of meditation and body-based therapy. It gave me the relief I had been desperate for since childhood. During the journey, I acknowledged that I have C-PTSD and had help letting go of the moments that I was abused or misunderstood for being this way. It was easier to differentiate between who I really am at the core, compared to the version of me that was tainted and conditioned throughout life. Most importantly, it helped me forgive myself which in turn helped me forgive others.This extends to the purely wicked although it doesn’t make their actions okay. Forgiveness benefits the forgiver the most.
I was also shown various unexpected surprises. For example, I connected to my spirit animal as well as had telepathic contact with powerful spirits and archetypes. I was guided on how to achieve an unstoppable mindset and how I should conduct myself in order to thrive in life. I was repeatedly reminded to be the tip of the spear. This meant to consistently penetrate into the unknown and make it my comfort zone. The unknown is where the magic happens. It is there where infinite undiscovered potential lies. There was also heavy emphasis on spiritedness and not backing down to life’s challenges. It also went into great length to show how far humans have come and how we’ve evolved to overcome every seemingly impossible obstacle as a species. This was to say that I should have full confidence in the evolved technology of my human body and mind and to trust in its ability to adapt to whatever. On another note, I was shown how sacred family and lineage are and that it is my duty to honor my ancestors by striving for excellence. In visual story-like interpretations, it highlighted who I am at the core and my strengths that I take for granted. I was encouraged to be proud and rewrite the story of my life.
Overall, the experience was very deep, exciting, artistic, insightful, psychological, fun, colourful and liberating. I could go on about it forever. Ask anyone I’ve told. I would love to do it again and I plan to do it many more times. There is still much more work to do, but the experience made me lighter overall and gave me more momentum to continue evolving. I feel more capable and in control of climbing the rest of the mountain that is before me. This is just the beginning. I am ready to make a dent in the world.
Treena has a deep knowledge of Iboga, and facilitates the medicine journey with respect and authenticity.
My experience with Iboga was life changing and empowering beyond expectation!!
I highly recommend Treena facilitating your Iboga medicine journey, if you want to deepen your connection with yourself, your ancestors, and mother earth.
Iboga has provided a subconscious tool kit that is felt in my field of awareness when dealing with things in my life.
I feel drawn back to Iboga, whether sitting in ceremony with it, or perhaps taking a microdose approach. But I am called back for sure, either way.
Iboga is something I’ve only been able to tell a few people about, and even out of those select few, I’m not sure that anyone gets it. Most people say something like, ”You were just laying on your back for two days?” But I can say for certain that it was one of the most beautiful things in my life to have experienced; a true blessing. I’m still processing it, but in a joyous way, and almost sinking back into it, which I try for in my night meditations before bed.
I thank IbogaJourney for offering good medicine in a space that tends to every facet of the experience that is required, facilitated in the best way ever.
From all outward appearances, I seemed to have my sh*t together. I was extremely loyal, hard working, excelling and promoted within multiple professions over a couple of decades. I had everyone fooled, except my wife, who suffered along with me. On the inside, a daily internal struggle ensued; anguish and suffering were the cross I beared. This culminated into a severe nervous breakdown.
I sought over two years of weekly assistance with psychotherapists. Desperate for healing, I’ve also used a prescribed SSRI and received Ketamine infusion therapy. Both provided remarkable, yet temporary relief from my symptoms. At this point, life became unbearable. My two-and-a-half decades of suicidal ideation felt like they were peaking to a final crescendo.
Desperate to save my life, I traveled to British Columbia to partake in this sacred tribal African Iboga ceremony. The impact of this experience was life changing. Iboga is truly a magical, healing, plant-based medicine that I now have a profound respect for. A reset took place within me, beyond words, beyond my own understanding.
I’ve clawed my way back, and my journey continues. I’m continuing to realign with my higher self and purpose. It feels amazing. I feel amazing! Joy, love, laughter, compassion, forgiveness, gratitude and curiosity are the keystones by which my internal compass guides me now. Yes, there are still challenges in my life, and things I’m continuing to work through and grow into, but I hold trust and strength in a better tomorrow.
As for the facilitators and the yurts, I’ll always remember. It was a special turning point in my life.
Jeremy and Tove guided 10 souls into a new beginning, a new understanding, and a new appreciation for life. The attention and care they both showed us during the duration of our journey together made the experience all that more memorable. I think MAGICAL is the best way to describe what took place there that weekend!
With all my heart, I thank them both.
My journey with this medicine began about three years ago when I first started to research the potential of this strange substance and its unique healing and transformational qualities. What I saw clearly, in hindsight of the actual ceremony, was how many of my lessons and insights from Iboga came to me during the time of my research and preparation for this rite of passage. I can recall on many times feeling clearly connected to the spirit of Iboga and receiving its healing and insight before ever having physically met. Though this was the case, I still had this expectation going into ceremony that somehow Iboga would resemble one of my Ayahuasca or mushroom experiences or measure up to Aubrey Marcus’ legendary account, but this wasn’t the case for me. In a way, I had been telling myself for a long time that a major transformation would have to come from a death-ride through heaven and hell and back. Instead, what I was given was something so subtle and unexpected, that I thought “something must be off here,” like I hadn’t taken enough, or I was resisting the medicine, or it just wasn’t working for me even though I was completely nauseous, dizzy, and weak…and I was wired af…and my mind was racing with some really bizarre thoughts and chaotic imaginations. In fact, I was internally confused and resentful through much of the ceremony, feeling like I was very foolish for having put so much time, energy, and effort into bringing myself to partake in this session. Friday night and all day Saturday seemed like a complete wash. I had only managed to question and judge everything, everyone, and my self super harshly. But after managing to nod off, I woke from a hard sleep on Sunday morningsomehow feeling refreshed and comfortable in my body. We spent the whole morning having breakfast and sharing about our experience after enduring the day and a half of mostly silence. Hearing everyone’s story, suddenly it clicked for me.
Iboga showed me the value of my mind’s attempt to control and plan things in my life. It showed up in the form of garbled, nonsensical, and vulgur contortions of violence and insanity. Literally, no useful information came to me as I tried to form thoughts about what sort of experience that I needed to have in order to heal myself. This failure to control became exhausting to the point of total surrender and detachment from caring at all about acheiving a desired outcome. Basically, I was just waiting for the iboga to wear off so that I could pack up my things and go back home. It was through these moment of surrender into a meditative like state that I would realize that I was actually receiving clear thoughts and images. Nothing particularly profound, but just simple, clean, and clear mental functioning and emotional balance. It wasn’t until a month later that I finally realized the wisdom I had gained from this experience. My ego’s wanting to control and plan and structure my life is an act of futility. My ability to surrender and let go is actually what allows the vital messages to channel through. In other words, I just need to let existence do the work. OF COURSE my mind is flawed and full of shit! But life ALWAYS knows the best way… This message has come to me many times. My attempts to trust this wisdom and fully integrate it into my life have been less than graceful. I see clearly, now, how at this point in my life, this would be the big message for me.
I could go on extensively about all of the ways I feel this medicine has woven its magic into my life. It is a truly unique and personally transformational force. I am grateful for having received this medicine and that I was aligned with Deena and Jeremy for the ceremonial portion of my experience. Their guidance and care with everyone is exceptional. They are truly wonderful beings of healing light and love in this world of chaos. Many blessings to them and their continued works and also to those that seek the healing spirit of Iboga.
Iboga really surprised me. It was none of those things.
The ceremony itself was so perfectly crafted. Deena and Jeremy’s commitment to service is both humbling and inspiring. I always felt safe, even at my most vulnerable.
The shifts in my life since have been subtle, unexpected, and yet intense. They crept in quietly – depression ebbed away, chronic aches and pain dissipated, I quit smoking, rearranged and purged the house, set healthy boundaries at work, eventually quit work, maintained a self care routine – all without fanfare. And unlike many other shifts via plant teachers, these ones have persisted and the benefits continue to blossom.
It’s over one year now since my ceremony, and I can still see the effects in my daily life, primarily in my ability to ‘hear’ or ‘receive’ new ideas, information, and messages. There is a clarity and inner knowing available to me now that I had been craving and yet felt out of reach of. I can choose to react differently. I am no longer trapped by my habitual programming, and that moment-by-moment choice has been the real gift.
Even now, I continue to shed remnants of my past and lay down old patterns that no longer serve. I suppose that journey is never over. Relationships with friends, lovers, and family have all shifted. I can see how my healing has rippled out and created positive change in my environment and those I interact with, too. It hasn’t been all rainbows and butterflies. Instead it’s as though I have leveled up, so I feel equipped to handle all of the twists and turns and discomforts of life that use to leave me feeling apathetic at best and suicidal at worst.
I think I came to Iboga hoping to ‘kill’ who I was, in essence, and be rebirthed as an entirely new and ideal me. I was craving something dramatic.
I left with something far more valuable: I am steadily falling in love with my imperfect self, and I am creating a life that I am both proud of and eager to participate in.
Leading up to the ceremony I took Jeremys advice to get out in nature and practise trust and surrender. I appreciate the advice because now I understand just how important it is.
During the ceremony, I felt 100% cared by Jeremy and Deena. They were alongside us in our journey always ready to help us go to the bathroom or give advice. I also felt like my personal space was respected and I was listened to during the experience.
Iboga showed me the truth, and the emotions that I’ve been hiding since I was a child. It showed me what I was running from and how to feel. While I still am working on feeling these emotions, I see the value in acknowledging the truth of how i’m feeling and expressing it. Iboga has become a guide for me; a real anchor in my life. It showed me the truth in a way that I can’t put into words, but that I know if I follow it everything will be okay. This is where I’m learning to trust and surrender to life, like Jeremy wisely coaches.
Over the few months following the Iboga ceremony, I was presented with many challenges. Iboga has helped me see these challenges in a new light. I see how certain barriers in life are teaching me something and how to work through them. My relationships with people have improved. I am able to share with others more easily and understand that others have fears and anxieties limiting them, as I do. I feel like I’m growing everyday. While I still experience fear and negative thinking, I don’t feel stuck in it. Iboga has shown me the power of my own mind, how to simply recognize fear and live how I desire; in my truth. Iboga is really a gift, one that I’ll forever be grateful for. It definitely doesn’t do the work for you but it opens up so many opportunities for growth that I believe it can make any healing possible.
I now find time everyday to appreciate what life and nature provide for me. Iboga showed me the stillness of my being and I am able to access this when I spend time in nature. Its a gift very few people get to experience, and I’m grateful for Jeremy and Deena sharing the Iboga experience.
Its obvious that Jeremy and Deena have done the work themselves. They provided great support to myself and the rest of the group throughout the ceremony. Couldn’t ask for more!
PS — As warriors, we ask ourselves, ‘Was it worth it?’ Particularly when friends are lost or hurt. My Iboga Journey was worth it. Unquestionably so.
In my journey, I assumed I would revisit traumatic experiences from my childhood, but it was the opposite. I saw visuals of positive times with my Mom, which makes sense because I’ve been clinging to the story that a teen Mom raised me, and already know it was stressful. It’s clear it’s time to re-write my story.
I have also been plagued with depression and anxiety in my life, and I had a sense during the ceremony that my body shaking off 38 years of unprocessed, built-up fright or flight tension.
It was like my mind and all of my thoughts were there for me to see, through my eyelids…and they are mostly B.S…. lol. Judgements, fears, worries, all of it.
Dancing used to be one of my favourite ways to connect to my soul and feel free, and it changed somewhere in life, which saddened me. Prior to ceremony I’d been admiring my 3-year-old daughter (my guru) and the way she dances as if she is in a trance, so alive and one with the music. I had set an intention before ceremony to be able to dance like no one is watching again, and when the Bwiti music came on I honestly felt like it moved me from my core and it was such an amazing feeling… the rebirth.
I really appreciate what Deena and Jeremy are doing in this world, I feel like it is a healing that is so, so necessary.
The greatest part in all of this: you are not alone in the journey. Jeremy is a wonderful guide from day one. Honest and sincere, he will be with you and he will make sure that you are ready for this. He’s definitely a kind of modern shaman with a sincere heart with one thing in mind : help you through your journey.
For me and for a first experience with those kinds of spiritual plants, the setting for the ceremony was perfect. The rain forest and the farm was like home to me. The warm welcome from Jeremy and his place was what I needed to feel at peace.
The ceremony was on the last weekend of my two month road trip from Montreal to Squamish (with a detour to Mount Shasta, California). I’m a spiritual guy. I love those beyond space and time kind of experiences. Synchronicity brought me there and I know why. Today, nearly 3 months after the ceremony, I’m still discovering how these three days have changed my life … in a wonderful way.
Thank you Jeremy. You’re definitely a guide in many ways.
Namaste brother.
I have a high tolerance for medicine so I took more iboga pills than anyone at the retreat. The medicine kicked in within a couple of hours. I had no intention in purging but I purged a lot and I had constant hot and cold body flashes throughout the night. I could not get comfortable, I tossed and turned all night, and the medicine worked all night.
Jeremy and his assistant did a great job on getting everyone to focus and relax. I was able to welcome the medicine and allow it to take me on my journey. The journey began when I saw a blue screen with a image of a astronaut/spaceman and a google cursor. I saw a bunch of words being typed and it felt like I was being reprogrammed in a sense. I began seeing images and whenever I would focus on the details, it would fade away, and another vision would appear. At times my thoughts would appear right before me. I saw timelines of my life in files that kept going higher and higher vertically. Throughout the night I had visions.
During the ceremony and afterward its very hard to move with out being dizzy. Whenever I lifted my head to take a another dose, I became dizzy. I don’t recommend drinking a lot of water before ceremony, the medicine takes longer to kick in. The following morning everyone in the retreat was bed ridden, we all could barely stand. Jeremy and his assistant did their best to revive everyone back to normalcy.
The atmosphere was very quiet for the next 2 days. It was a time to recover and self reflect. Sunday morning, I was able to get up, and I went outside to go for a walk in the woods. When I stepped outside, everything was different. I seen the world like I’ve never seen it before. I had this aura, this glow around my body like electricity. I would wave my hands and this amazing flow of energy would follow. I kept waving my hands just to see the streaks of energy in the air. It was like something you’d see in a kung fu movie. I looked at my environment and the aura/white electricity type glow was everywhere. Everything was alive, the trees were electric, grass, water, animals, etc It was amazing and definitely my favorite part of the retreat.
It let me know we are all connected somehow, someway. There’s a divine energy or matrix that was so evident, that it overwhelmed me with joy. To be one with the All, it just felt great. The morning aura visions lasted a week or so after the retreat and my lower back pain was gone. I immediately wanted to do something active after the retreat.
Due to my back pain I smoked marijuana at least 6 times a day. But I had no urge to smoke, I didn’t even have a urge to eat sweets and junk food. My mind, body, and soul wouldn’t let me. I’m now able to exercise and play basketball. I haven’t played basketball in 6 years. My only pain I experience now is regular soreness from being physically active.
My meditations and dreams became more vivid since leaving the retreat. Everyday my focus is to be a better person, a more loving person. I take weekly baths in epsom salt, baking soda, and lavender. I also gargle with organic coconut oil every night. Overall the medicine resonated with me so much more than Ayahuasca and San Pedro. I intend to return again for a possibly yearly tune up.
I can’t be more thankful to the All, Iboga, Jeremy, my family, everyone at the retreat, and of course myself. Everyday I’m thankful for ridding myself of my lower back pain and finally moving forward in my life. Its a great feeling, a great feeling.
When I spoke with Jeremy for the first time any resistance I had was laid to rest. There was such power and clarity in our interaction that I felt absolutely safe and supported by him. He advised me to start asking the questions which I wanted guidance on. He said that the more work I did beforehand to clarify what I was seeking, the more I would attain from the experience with Iboga. Jeremy provided dedicated support the whole time prior to the ceremony. Our discussions really shaped what my experience would reveal.
My journey with Iboga started the moment I began to ask questions. I was not necessarily getting clear answers, but I was definitely receiving information. The months leading up to my ceremony were intense, and in fact, the difficulty in my life seemed to get worse and worse. Yet underneath it all, I had the understanding that the suffering I was going through was purposeful and necessary. I realize now that I was going through a process of purification where I was beginning to see myself honestly, and where I was beginning to acknowledge the stories and the lies that were holding me down in life. The days before the ceremony were the most intense and culminated in a breakdown, or shall I say a breakthrough, that left me incredibly calm and clear — ready for what I was about to embark on. I entered the ceremony fearlessly and in a state of truth, ready to truly meet myself.
The ceremony itself was one of the most incredible things I have ever experienced. I attribute much of this to the energy that Jeremy and Tova cultivated for the space. Their own histories and experiences were an essential part of how they supported my transformation.
What I saw and felt once I began to take the Iboga medicine is ineffable, but the effects are palpable even now. The unveiling of my ignorance is something from which I know I cannot return. The wisdom I attained has allowed me to express more of my potential and to express more of my authentic self. Since the ceremony I have been able to navigate life with more grace and ease. The effects were immediate and have only been getting more and more refined. There has been an immense shift in my way of being, and life has become more pleasurable than I had previously experienced. Challenges still arise, but my reactions and ways of dealing with them are softer and more skillful. I might even say that challenges have become an expected part of life that I respect and value as opportunities through which I can grow.
I am forever grateful to the Iboga medicine and to Jeremy and Tova for assisting me in uncovering what is already there. I look forward to continuing the journey as I unravel more and more of that which I already am.
For over 19 years, I had been taking a daily strong dosage of fluoxetine. I tried on two or three occasions to wean myself off them, but within 2 months I would be clinically depressed once again. At times, I was self-destructive and suicidal. I would drink too much, and make everything worse. I was so tired; living my life always restless, agitated, yearning. I cut my dosage to half about three weeks before Iboga and stopped altogether two weeks before. That was October 3rd 2014.
What has ensued is incredible. I have been experiencing raw, unmedicated life. During these months, I have re-discovered wholesome reality. I had forgotten. Life goes on as normal. I broke my ankle, and was in a cast for months, two dear friends of mine passed away, I experienced the painful anniversary of my daughters death, all without anesthetic. So I have been sad, but never despairing. Hard to explain how it felt good to feel emotions that were sometimes painful. I am free of that desperate constant anxiety that was such a “thorn in my shoe”. I am confident, clear and at rest in knowing that I really can accomplish anything my mind decides. I can choose whether or not I want to have a drink. And every now and then, I get a pure wave of joy and a lightness that I remember from early childhood. I am so grateful to Jeremy for guiding me through the amazing experience last year. Thanks always Jeremy and Tara. I LOVE my life.
Jeremy has really fine-tuned the journey. I have never felt so safe in a ceremony! My only challenge was with myself – thinking about whether it was enough for me, but of course that is my life lesson — to trust that I got what I needed! In life I have often put unrealistic expectations on myself. I was able to hold down as much as I needed to get the lessons in that particular journey.
I had serious childhood trauma and have spent years in therapy to heal from this and the Iboga certainly has helped make some sense of things for me. Particularly, I was put into vulnerable states, so taking mind altering substances is a huge scary trigger for me. However, the experience was profoundly healing because I seriously went into body memory of the vulnerability. The space was held though so of course on an intellectual level I knew this was not the case, but my body did not know the difference. Long story short, coming out of that experience was miraculous for me. Also, part of my childhood trauma was to experience some rituals that were so brutal and terrifying, they left me feeling so utterly alone and despondent completely void of hope that there is a God or whatever you want to call it watching out for me. I went into that state again in the Iboga, but instead, something so precious happened: I felt a pressure on my right side, something physically trying to get my attention and I looked over to the right and saw this beautiful grandfather being floating above, glorious and glowing in a robe with a beautiful light shimmering and a blue chord going from the earth through his body out through his crown into the cosmos, and a glowing, intelligent Star lit up in his third eye into mine and a glorious light ignited my third eye — the feeling was so exquisite that words cannot describe! At this moment I get grateful tears as I write this, I know once again through ceremony and self inquiry, that I am okay and protected and there is something so mysterious, powerful and beautiful that is watching over me to guide me and protect me never alone! So all I can say to someone out there who is considering doing a ceremony, but may be hesitant or scared – if I can do it, you can do it!
A heartfelt thank you to Jeremy for being such a humble servant, with love and blessings.
It was not a cake walk and be prepared to do some work, but you can definitely trust this medicine. It is a wise and powerful teacher.
As for Jeremy:
Never before have I witnesses such integrity, understanding and true compassion from a man. Jeremy is deeply aware of his responsibility to each and every person that he guides through ceremony. I have done 2 journeys with him now and the second journey, after knowing I could put my complete faith in him, was a far deeper, more spiritual and profound experience. He is the finest example of “father” that I have ever seen. Taking care of each person with immense presence, strength, and grace. He understands his calling and delivers a beautiful, sacred ceremony with true homage to its heritage. Surrender to the medicine. Put your faith in Jeremy. You will not be let down.
Huge love Jeremy!
My occupation is a professional engineer, and at one time I was also an athlete competing at an international level, but for the past 5 years I have struggled with an addiction to pain killers. I have been wanting to and been trying very hard to change and overcome this affliction for a long time, which involved (and still does) being a member of a 12 step fellowship, and in my fight to overcome my addiction I have attended 2 different residential treatment centres over the past 4 years. Nothing that I have done to date during my recovery has helped me and showed me that I could live without substances like Iboga has. This process or journey has truly changed my life, how I look at myself, and for the first time made me feel as though I will never have to use painkillers again. I now have a new freedom and a new happiness, and have been enjoying freedom from pills since the ceremony.
An Iboga journey is an intense experience and I feel like having someone there to help and guide you is an essential part to ensure you maximize the potential for positive results. Jeremy was crucial to this process and I can’t stress enough how I feel like he helped show me what I needed to see and guided me in the direction I needed. Without having him there I without a doubt don’t think I would be where I am today (free of drugs and on a spiritual path).
I feel as though we each have the answers to our life struggles inside of us, but this plant medicine uncovers the things that are blocking us from seeing the answers. During this journey I was shown in a very clear way what drew me to using painkillers, why I used them, and how to live so that I did not ever need them again. I strongly believe that it re-set my brain to a pre-addiction state, and in addition to showing me the root of my behaviours following the ceremony it gave me a long lasting, strong feeling of wellbeing (its been 2 months and I still have it). Iboga is magical in how well it works, but it is not a one-time magic bullet that will prevent me from ever going back to my old way of life. What I mean by this is that although it has taken away my cravings (Yes, I have not one had a craving since the ceremony) and showed me a new way to live (a different mindset, where I look at the world differently) it still requires work on my part to keep it up and to continue to grow spiritually. Through my 12 step work I have been taught that in order to have long lasting (lifelong) sobriety one needs to have a spiritual experience and adopt a new way of thinking. I was not able to find this or achieve this until I went through an Iboga ceremony with Jeremy. Iboga gave me that essential spiritual experience, and now I can say without a doubt that I have adopted a new way of thinking – one that I am 100% certain will allow me to live drug free for life.
I did a lot of preparation to get ready for the ceremony including reading about Iboga listening to tapes and podcasts, and watching videos, and was really ready to change and let go of the negative things in my life. I had written down a number of questions I wanted to ask the medicine, and each one was answered very clearly to me throughout the death, and during the walk through the land of our ancestors and the re-birth.
I did not think that there was something that could provide me with such an experience that would allow for such a dramatic transformation. I thought that the rest of my life would be a hard struggle of meetings, therapists and slow progress. This was absolutely like having a lifelong amount of therapy in one weekend, and was exactly what I needed to help me. Giving me space from my addiction, insight into exactly why I did what I did, it showed me so clearly the truth as to what was blocking me from having the life I want and what I deserve, and gave me a new strong sense of spirituality. It has absolutely changed my life for the better, and is worth 1000 times (or more) what it costs. I recommend anyone who is wanting to change something in their life to go on this journey, but you have to be ready to face yourself, and ready to change (really want it). I am so grateful for Jeremy and this process – it has changed my life beyond how I can describe. One thing I can say is now I feel ok with myself and who I am, when I never really did before, and I feel like I live on a higher, more positive frequency every day of my life.
I loved my painkillers, but never knew or felt a way of life that is as satisfying or fulfilling as how I live today. The medicine and Jeremy’s help showed me this feeling, this way of life. They showed me how to live with my true self, the real me. My soul is beautiful and I am now able to see him and to honour him. I would not give this up for anything. This life is a long, exciting journey, and I look forward to what lies ahead with excitement and wonder. Thank you Jeremy. ☺
My friend introduced me to Jeremy and he met with me 2 weeks before the ceremony to hear what I had to say, answer my questions and prepare me for the journey. What struck me first about him was the intensity and the light coming from him. He seemed joyful, confident and deeply passionate about Iboga and the change it had helped him make in his own life. He told me to start working on my intentions. What I wanted for myself through this process. He told me to spend some time focussing on those intentions and to write them down. He welcomed me to continue to stay in contact with him so that I could ask him questions or voice concerns as needed. He also told me the dates and cost. It was only a few days and the cost was more than reasonable however, for me, both seemed insurmountable barriers. How was I going to find someone to care for my kids for a few days? Where was I going to come up for money for this when I could barely make rent? Never the less, I agreed. In the next couple weeks these barriers cleared out of the way with minimal effort. A surprise bit of money came my way 2 days before the ceremony that was the exact amount I needed. My children’s father called me out of the blue and offered to take the kids for the days I needed when he has never done anything like this before. Already the Iboga was working it’s magic. It was all very real now. I was going and I was terrified.
The location was breathtaking. Everyone there seemed as nervous as I was. Jeremy has obviously spent a lot of time preparing the space and no detail seemed missed. He met with each of us to touch base before we began and helped put us to ease. At sundown the fire was lit. I threw my intentions in and we began.
What can I say about the journey itself? I have heard Iboga compared to 10 years of psychotherapy in one night, The ghost of Christmas past, like defragging a computer. It was all of those things. It was every range of emotion I have ever known but mostly it was love, self-catered to me. It was exactly what I needed it to be exactly when I need it to happen. I learned things about myself I would never have been able to dislodge on my own. Found compassion for those I was in conflict with and discovered understanding to my true nature and spirit. It was harrowing, exhilarating and exhausting and through it all Jeremy was there. Guiding us, caring for us and watching over us.
It’s a year later now. The first couple months after Iboga I walked on a cloud. Not only had my disposition changed so had my appearance. I was light, joyful and so grateful. But it was not over for me. I still had my extremely stressful life to contend with and it picked up the pace. Pushing and testing me over the next few months but this time I pushed back and focused on where I wanted to be. Over the course of the year my life has seen major changes. I am no longer where I was. I enjoy a blessed life with my children and continue to grow in new and exciting ways. Life continues to unfold for me but now I feel like I am driving and the future is exactly what I want it to be.
I can not thank Jeremy enough. Through it all I never doubted that I was in caring hands and every detail was thought of. It was perfection. I would recommend anyone for this experience no matter what your background or what you are looking for. Next month my brother is going and I can’t wait to see the life he has waiting for him.
I agreed to do it, and was quite nervous for the weeks leading up to it. Once I spoke to Jeremy on the phone, so many of my fears were put to rest. I knew that I was completely safe. He was intelligent and passionate about the healing that this medicine could offer. There were, of course, things in my life that I wanted to change, blocks that I had. I didn’t feel that I was particularly addicted to anything, but I was ready for some changes. He set me up with some intention setting writing exercises, where I was to form the questions that I had for the medicine.
Right before the session, I was also able to meet with Jeremy and go over these things. He listened so well that I felt completely heard, and it gave me even more faith that I was in the right place. I was struck by his solidity and integrity and he carries himself with a poise that I rarely see.
The ceremonial aspect that began the journey was beautiful. It had depth and heart, as we all sat in a circle and spoke of our intentions for the journey and what we wanted to shift. There were four participants, the guide and an assistant.
We were well informed about the process. How for the next 10 hours we would take medicine on the hour, every hour. Then there would be 12 hours of transition.
I became quite afraid in this moment, but i breathed through it and remembered that I had chosen to accept this gift. The first dose we took together, I immediately felt a calm come over me, though my heart beat seemed stronger than usual. I was told the medicine was connecting like an umbilical cord in that moment and I felt that deeply in my being.
After the next dose, I lay down on my mattress and put my eye mask on. I felt the medicine moving through me like roots in my veins. It was powerful and nourishing and I did not feel remotely afraid at this point. In fact, I didn’t feel any emotion. I felt strangely detached and just observed the incredible visions that I had for the next 10 hours. I did feel nauseous, but I was able to breathe and keep from purging for a very long time, maybe 6 rounds of medicine. I felt myself getting weaker physically, and my body was kind of numb, like I wasn’t in need of it at the moment. None of this was alarming, as I was in a state of complete trust.
The things that I saw during this time I am unable to articulate. I went to places in my life that were the happiest, times that were the hardest when I have done questionable things, and spent time with people long gone. It was amazing. I was able to come out when I needed to in order to go to the bathroom (I needed help walking as the room spun) and was able to connect with Jeremy when he would come over and remind me to ask questions. It was like my entire subconscious was open for inquiry. Though I felt physically uncomfortable, I can safely say that those were the 10 most fascinating hours of my life. My questions were answered, and then some!
The sun came up and Jeremy came over to prepare me for the transition. This was the ‘in between place’, the land of the ancestors and the hungry ghosts. He instructed me very clearly on the task ahead of me. Now I was to FEEL what I had seen. He said to really feel it, and then let it go. The next 12 hours were some of the most essential, agonizing, and longest hours of my life. I lay there quietly and in stillness, but inside was inexplicably intense…sorrow, fury and pain, but also relief and beauty and freedom. I got sick a few times, but it felt important, like it was another way of releasing the embodied emotions. At one point, I felt like one emotion was deep in my cells and the medicine was trying to free me from it. It felt like it had claws in every bit of me. I threw up, lay down and then felt it lift like strong velcro from my body. I knew it was a fear that I had carried all my life. A fear of being abandoned.
As it wore off, Jeremy brought some beautiful food. I couldn’t eat much. I felt like I had a new digestive system that had to start from scratch with easy food. I began to feel incredible. Then I took a small nap and woke to Jeremy playing Bwiti music and inviting us to wake up, move and step into our new lives, born again without the baggage of the pain we had been carrying.
Let me just say that I am a highly functioning mother of three. I have been extremely successful in my life and marriage in every sense of the word. I did not realize that I was being held back by an almost unbearable fear. Without wanting to admit it, it was affecting the depth of my relationships with my children, my husband and my community. I also realized that I was addicted to sugar, coffee and wine. These were things I didn’t want to give up, but I felt so clean and pure and vital that I didn’t want them.
A month later, I am still witnessing this spacious feeling. I am sure it would have taken 6 months of detoxing and years of therapy to reach the place physically and emotionally where I am now. Extra weight just fell off me. Stress and urgency feel like they are unwelcome in my life. Still, i know life will continue to offer experiences that challenge me, but I feel capable of dealing with them in a new way, without the triggers of old pain.
I am so grateful to my friend who gifted this to me, and that she knew I could handle the intensity of the medicine. I read somewhere that Iboga is a one way ticket. It really is, and I never want to go back. Thank you, Jeremy for facilitating this experience with so much strength and grace. Never have have I felt more centred, more alive, or more free.
After an introductory consultation with Deena, I felt confident I was doing this with the right people, and started the introspection. As soon as I signed up for the ceremony, everything that was bothering me intensified, and my patterns were strong as ever. That was essential for what was to come. I had the most vivid dreams of my life that directly cast light on the core of my problems. Iboga starts working on you before it is even in your system.
The day of the ceremony came. I met Jeremy and Deena, and right away I noticed that they were perfect mediums of the work. They never impregnated the experience with any of their own unsolved, disharmonious ideas. They have done extensive work on themselves with Iboga, and that is so apparent from the beginning. These two are doing this work for the right reasons, and from the purest heart.
The ceremony was an incredible two days I will remember as long as I am alive. As my body gradually filled with Iboga, nausea started, as did visions. At first mild, and mostly shadows, then more detailed. Yes, it was difficult for the body. Yes, it was hard to get up to go to the washroom (Jeremy was there in the blink of an eye to assist). Yes, the purging was explosive and unpleasant. But the whole way through the process you trust Iboga.
There were four important messages I received from Iboga:
1. I was shown the cycle of life and death on Earth. The Spirit of Iboga took me to Serengeti planes, and showed me the migration of animals in the wilderness. New babies were being born, their parents caring for them, and the elders dying. And all that going in cycles. The shift of generations was a natural, beautiful dance of nature. It gave me the understanding of our transience, and how we are here only for a limited time.
2. The spirit of Iboga went into my brain and pulled out all the memories I no longer needed. It rearranged some, and I could see my brain getting worked on as a bar that went from 100 percent to zero percent within a few seconds. It released me from my past.
3. I was shown all the human inventions, and how we are an amazing race because we have the power of creation. It showed me the path of creating something by imagination to its manifestation. This was the gift of the power of imagination. I must say that now I approach all my obstacles in life almost as if I were playing, finding the most creative, efficient way to solve them. It has changed everything!
4. Finally, I was shown myself 10 years down the road. I was coming home to two beautiful sons, and a wife. Happiness, they are jumping over me. I am working on five different projects and communicating with a bunch of people. There’s a lot of work, but I do exactly what I love and it fuels me. Then the Spirit of Iboga told me that I needed to see this, as this was myself that I was meant to meet down the road. The gift of hope.
Saturday we were given some fruit to eat, and it tasted like the nectar of gods. Bananas and watermelons. With Iboga I learned what tastes right. Dead food (fried, dough, junk food) suddenly seemed repulsive. All of Saturday I had an indescribable serenity; what it must feel like being in mama’s womb. No thoughts.
Saturday night, there was a surprise for us. The visions subsided, but it was one of the most magical parts of ceremony. At that moment I was given the gift of unconditional love.
This experience was the single most important experience of my life. My past is gone. The monkey that chatters in our brains is gone. I have much less thoughts than before. I simply act. I know I will achieve what I have planned for myself, and it felt unattainable before I took Iboga. My relationship with everyone around me has improved. Self-value is where it is supposed to be.
The theme of Iboga is the value of life. And I value mine.
As for Jeremy and Deena; I am so happy to have met them. And to know that people like them exist in the world, doing this kind of work with so much love and dedication. To have had them look over me at such a vulnerable state. They cared for us like we were their children. I truly feel like I can say I consider them my Bwiti parents, and my friends. Their care exceeded my expectations by far, and I could trust them by sending my loved ones to them for ceremony.
For me your location was stunning and superb for it. Your energies and stable presence were crucial and fantastic and I am forever grateful that you do what you do. Both of you were holding space impeccably with integrity and the know how that is needed to navigate these intense energies.
I do not remember ever feeling so poorly after any of the other experiences I have had including childbirth and the ones I stated above .,yet 3 days after ceremony and I have the feeling of having been reset to my original blueprint and not anyone elses programming any longer.
I feel for the first time a palpatable difference in how I walk and talk and my nervous system feels like it has been reset as well which makes me witness myself as calm and collected and loving with my 3 young children instead of pick up on their everchanging energies like it was the case prior to my weekend with you.
I will never be able to explain this to anyone or even myself. It was too vast to grasp and too sacred to even try as nobody would be able to understand what goes on when with you and I feel that is the beauty of it. I knew I was being called and guided by spirit to take part. I never questioned or doubted and now I know why. I believe I had suffered enough by programming that was not mine that the universe was kind enough for me to find you and greet me with such love and understanding that I will cherish it to the day I die.
You both are amazing and I bow to you as going through this experience myself shows me who you must be as souls to have signed up for this job as facilitators to help heal the planet one by one.
I have infinite gratitude in my heart for everything that involved my experience with you even if afterwards for two days I was barely able to walk or talk ? I would recommend this to anyone really who wishes to be undone from the false persona we took on from society or parents or god knows what. Time to get free is my motto and this answered to it.
Thank you always and forever !
Strange as it may sound, I took a moment to grieve my knowing of this balance, the recognition that—this connection to self, to Source—is all that matters now. That I was no longer only the frightened, curious child (unsure of the path, often shirking my roles, responsibilities and gifts), but I was both child and adult (committed to awareness, embodying the integral, sovereign soul) and renewing my choice to create equanimity and peace at a soul level.
Spiritual maturation can be accelerated using this medicinal tool. Multiple exposures in medicinal, soul exploration allows one access to a deepening of compassion, humility, forgiveness, courage, grace, dignity, and the formation of new understandings by continuously choosing to lead a meaningful life and being awake and aware of that choice.
A warm and special nod to Tove & Jeremy, who are the epitomes of grace and dignity. They are harmonious emoters of soulful wisdom. It is felt in the vibes they carry and clear through their heartful service to plants, animals and humans alike. One needs to feel safe to truly trust the unfolding of this process. By attending this ceremony, you will learn from those who know and practice their alignment, so in turn, one can begin trusting their own soul guidance.”
The first week after ceremony I was tired, sad and felt terrible. After the first week, I feel maybe the best I’ve ever been. I’ve been more dedicated and focused than ever.
One morning when I was really tired i grabbed a quad shot of coffee, out of habit, and went into the gym. I started sipping it but it just wasn’t the same. I realized I don’t need it anymore. That’s insane for me. I would never, ever not drink coffee or take substances and supplements if I felt tired and if they were right in front of me.
I’ve stopped drinking coffee since the ceremony. I only have one tea or maté now, in the morning. I also stopped smoking Marijuana. I’ve reconnected with my morning and night meditation practices in a big way.
Not only have I stopped everything, but I don’t have cravings anymore.
I’ve had many chances and temptations. After an event the other night, I was invited to partake in drugs and drinking. I was able to say no and think about my next day. For the first time in my adult life, I feel like I’m in control of my substance use. My brain is not a drug addict anymore.
I’m doing all the work I need to do in order to further my career, and shining brighter than ever. I even started training flips every morning in the gym, and I’m able to do things I was scared of before and avoiding, like backflips and back handsprings.
I go to bed every night grateful and proud of myself. I feel like a massive weight has been lifted, and I’m going to run with this.
Iboga reconnected me to how strong, powerful and amazing I am. As I write this, I start to tear up a bit.
So much gratitude to Jeremy and Deena. I’m doing my best to sing the gospel of this miraculous teacher plant, so that those who are lost in the darkness can find their way back to the light.”
I kept putting off writing a testimonial because my life has been intense this last year, in the most painfully transformative, butterfly-like way. I had to really hit bottom while the spirit world manifested itself in the material realm, through deep and mind-blowingly beautiful and painful ways. Ayahuasca has also contributed to that, but the Iboga was like yelling spiritual truth at me. Jeremy told me I wouldn’t be able to go back to exotic dancing after ceremony. I did for a time, and it pained me more than I could ever imagine. I have now officially cut ties with it, and am in healing mode, clearing my channel. I seriously cannot ever go back, unless I want to die. The light is too clear and supportive now.
I’m also nine months abstinent from bulimia, and my binging and purging. Before Iboga, I had never made it more than three months in the past 11 years.
Now that I’m not throwing my life away and selling my soul to the ‘dirty carnival’ (as Iboga referred to it in my journey), I feel limitless in the manifestations available from the divine infinite. I was desperate to change it all when I left Deena and Jeremy, and was floating on a cloud for a month, manifesting my dreams through investors—who were part of the dirty carnival. Because I still was.
Now I’m seeing that I have to clear me, and take baby steps to get to that place of wherever my higher consciousness wants me to be.”
I have no cravings for alcohol—I actually don’t even remember the taste of it. I now watch myself as I watch a movie. I don’t analyze, just let everything come and go. It’s a process.
Before, I couldn’t quite accept all the events that I experienced in my life, but now it is very easy to accept and describe them as memory. I am not afraid of any of them.
I feel very happy, my energy level is getting higher, and I also started to lose weight.
Lots of things are going on and I’m very grateful to have this medicine and this experience.
Thank you very much to Jeremy and Deena.”
But, then the next 5 hours, scenes of every fear I’ve ever imagined flashed through my mind. You name it, I saw it. Every fear. The darkest stuff you can imagine. It wasn’t like I was watching a movie, though. It felt like this was actually happening to me. This felt like the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life.
Where did this all come from, I asked? I got the answer.
Television, movies, the news. My mother used to limit our movies if there were sex scenes or vulgar words, but she never cared about violence. All of this violence that I had seen and not even thought twice about still lived on in my mind. I saw that all of this violence had deadened my conscience. It became acceptable to see these things. To not think twice about someone getting shot in a movie. Killing others, hurting others, and being unkind became the new normal. It was on TV, so that must make it OK.
After seeing these fears, I saw that they were in my mind all the time. I wasn’t aware of my thoughts, and I was constantly thinking these same fears over and over again. I saw these fears were like a film loop, constantly spinning around on a big screen—all inside the circumference of my own head.
I realized I had to start paying more attention to my thoughts, and that I would be shown later a way to change these fear-based thoughts. I also saw that it’s so important to be careful of what we let into our minds. That I could no longer watch a violent film if I didn’t want those visuals and thoughts inside of me.
When I purged, it felt great. Like long-buried things were being released.
The next part of my journey got even harder, but, oh what a blessing to have the illusions of myself revealed! I started seeing memories of times I’ve hurt someone, and justified my reason for doing so in my mind. I saw memories of times I’ve done things that weren’t right, and how I justified them and ‘made it okay’ to do these things by lies I told myself. It was hard to see this. I also saw, though, that a part of me knew. This was the part that didn’t like myself and this was why. Because I wasn’t admitting to myself all that I knew was there.
I also saw that being brought up in the Church taught me that I was already bad. As a child, any time I did wrong, I thought that meant I was bad. I saw all of these messages of how evil I was, being projected at me. These messages were arrows and I was the dartboard. Every time one of these arrows hit, they took more and more life out of me. I thought it would make me feel better by feeling more and more guilty. I had feelings of guilt going on and on in my head thinking if I could just feel enough guilt than I could make myself feel better. Well, that didn’t work. So, then I learned to justify anytime I did something wrong why I did it. I had an excuse for each action. Maybe if I could just ignore this bad behavior it would go away. But that only made it worse.
Many different scenarios played out, as I watched old things that had happened in childhood and how those moments shaped what I believed about myself. I saw that as a child I used to be so excited about life every day, eager to wake up, wondering what magic would happen that day.
I saw that at around 10 years old, because of childhood pain, that excitement for life stopped. I stopped seeing the magic of the world, and even disconnected myself from it. I lost that childhood wonder.
I saw that we have to make friends with the negative thoughts inside of us. For instance, when guilt arises, we have to acknowledge it. We can say, ‘Thank you, guilt, for showing that to me. What I did was wrong. I forgive myself. Let’s release it now.’ When we are shown fear, we can acknowledge it and thank it. We can say, ‘Thank you fear. I know you are just trying to keep me safe. And I am.’
After never really having the desire to meditate, I had the desire to meditate and watch what was in my mind more often.
I realized while I’ve often had a desire to be alone, I haven’t often really spent time getting to know myself. I’ve distracted myself with my computer, books, or music.
I often hid from people because I didn’t want them to figure out there was something wrong with me. I saw that I needed to get out in the world more. That I’ve often gone from guru to guru. But often the people with the most beautiful messages for me were the people right in front of me. And that I, too, had things to share with others, and needed to get out in the world to share these things. It’s time to stop hiding!
I needed to start saying ‘yes,’ to life more instead of closing down with ‘no,’ when I felt fear.
I saw about my intuition and how to listen to it. Often, I’ve thought I’ve been listening to my intuition, when I was really listening to fear. I saw that intuition really can only be found in the stillness, and I have to get past my fears to listen.
I saw that I have spent so much time worrying about my choices, when they all lead somewhere. There really is no wrong choice, because all choices will eventually lead to the same place. This life is all about experience, and that as long as I’m living in integrity and kindness, there’s no mistake I can make.
I also saw a lot about judgement and how harmful it is. After all, when you see yourself in everyone else, what is bad energy? It’s all you!
I also started seeing my addictions and how they’ve prevented me from living a full life. I saw that I was addicted to comfort, and often picked things that would be comfortable when the uncomfortable choice would have helped me grow. I saw that at times, I’ve been addicted to pain and actually attracted painful things to me because of this. I’ve created drama and painful situations because of this.
In my ceremony, I also experienced sudden pain in my lower back. I have had lower back pain for 15 years, and have spent thousands of dollars going to chiropractors trying to heal it. All of a sudden, I felt deep pain in my psoas muscles. I then saw a vision of my root chakra and the cords that run from it into the earth all twisted and tangled in knots. I saw that as a child, I didn’t know how to deal with the pain of this earth, so I decided to disconnect with it. This was the cause of my back pain and the medicine was healing it.
When I awoke the morning after ceremony, I had no more back pain. It was gone! I also have felt, every day since my ceremony, an incredible excitement for life. That childlike excitement is back. What exciting miracles are going to happen today? And incredible synchronicities have happened ever since.
After the journey, I also experienced no thought. I had spent so much time chattering and chattering in my mind that there was no more chatter left. It was an incredible feeling.
Since leaving ceremony, I continue to be shown things. I understand about really living in the moment. We often think, ‘There’s not enough time.’ Yet, we fill that time with worrying that a perfect moment will be over and all of a sudden we’re no longer in the moment. We lose an entire half day of our weekend because we’re already living in Monday on Sunday night. All I wanted to do was just sit and be in the stillness and enjoy the beauty of it. There’s so much beauty in a moment that we often miss. The way the light is shining, the shadows, the smells, the sounds. We miss it all by being so preoccupied with repeating thoughts in our heads.
There is so much time. When I get rid of worry and fear, time is all there is. I’ve been spending so much time listening to the worries in my mind that I’m not even fully doing what I set out to do. No wonder why time goes so fast.
Time has slowed way down since my Iboga journey. I don’t feel like I’m in a rush like I used to be. Sometimes, I get things done more quickly because all of my energy is being used to do them. And, sometimes I do nothing at all because I just want to sit and make friends with with who I am. And that’s okay. Because there’s so much time. There is time later to do the things that I need to do. Those ‘things to do’ will still be there when I’m ready to do them. And, you know what? They will get done exactly when they’re meant to get done.
Right now, I am just in the moment—without trying to hold on to it.
It’s truly beautiful, this new way of being in the world. Everyone who took this medicine had completely different experiences, but we all experienced that same stillness, and being in the moment, in the end. It brought us all to the same moment. Which is now. There is only ever now. And, I’m so glad that we are a part of it.
The actual ceremony is hard to describe. It was so scary and horrifying, yet the medicin felt like a friend. I felt cleansed physically, mentally and emotionally and never doubted the process. Treena was absolutely amazing the whole time. She made me feel so welcome, safe and supported. I would definitely do it again and I would highly recommend it to anyone who feels called to it. I’m filled with awe and gratitude for my Iboga experience.
I can’t thank Treena enough for holding space for me during this journey–if you can imagine an experience like a relentless storm breaking against the seabord, Treena was a lighthouse. Steady as a rock while my journey took me to the edge of what I thought I could handle mentally and emotionally. Knowing that someone so kind and experienced with the medicine was there help guide the process was an incredible feeling of safety, and I cannot understate the importance of this warmth during a challenge like this.
I would encourage everyone interested in iboga to participate; it’s truly wonderful. Even though I have slipped back into normal existence, the journey has completely changed my interaction with the world and the people in my life. Be open to an experience that could take you to completely uncomfortable, overwhelming, and ultimately amazing places. It will lead to a new beginning, don’t try to control it.
I was ready to break cycles and level up. In society, many individuals attempt to run away from their own shadow. In other words, they disown aspects of themselves. As developing children and adults, we unconsciously mirror this behavior. This keeps destructive cycles alive throughout multiple generations. We are all subjected to the repercussions of an unhealthy society that could be otherwise healed with the right education and action taken. Coping mechanisms like repression, avoidance and learned helplessness are all part of a pandemic that has infected the majority of the mass collective. This can manifest in numerous mental, emotional and physical health issues. It takes real courage to be responsible and process your own baggage. In my opinion, one should do this so that they can show up better in the world, and if not for themselves then for their loved ones. I believe the saying, “One has to be the change they want to see”. Ironically when you do this your inspiration finds the right receptive people, versus imposing your will, which often repels others.I hope this encourages you to do the same. Iboga helped me get closer to the root causes of many destructive patterns.
Spoiler alert! The journey was amazing. It was very dark and intense but this is not to deter anyone. It is personalized for everyone and their intentions. I just wanted to be exposed to myself. My ego may disagree, but why would I be so special as to not have blind spots? It’s too easy to point the finger and judge others without looking inward. I was able to observe things about myself in a more objective way and from various different perspectives. I saw many harsh truths but yet, it was simultaneously the most beautiful thing. The intelligence of Iboga medicine works with you where you’re at and understands what you need. I also found the experience interactive as in, you could go deeper or lessen the intensity consciously. This is my disclaimer as you won’t experience the following unless you are ready, willing and able. Everyone’s needs are different. Iboga understands this and won’t show you what you cannot handle.
At first, I was nervous as I didn’t know what to expect. As soon as I was in the flow of it, I knew I could go all the way. I wanted to release as much unresolved trauma, pain and self-sabotaging beliefs as possible. I wanted to access the feelings my body repressed for my own protection at the time of my senses and reasoning being overwhelmed. An example of this was, I re-lived a representation of physical violence inflicted on me as a vulnerable infant. This occurred before my memory was developed but nevertheless reprogrammed my brain, setting me on a catastrophic trajectory from the beginning. I was able to feel into the terror and let the associated sensations finally express themselves in a safe environment. It felt natural and offered a great degree of relief. I saw many of my deepest fears and learned to laugh in the face of them. In these moments I was the observer and was guided to accept, forgive and let go. It was liberating.
I had never experienced such a profound release of repressed emotion. On the last day it took some time to walk normally again due to the muscle tension associated with trauma being physically released through neurogenic tremors. These types of things are possible without Iboga, but the experience covered a lot of ground in a short amount of time. For similar results, I think one would need years of meditation and body-based therapy. It gave me the relief I had been desperate for since childhood. During the journey, I acknowledged that I have C-PTSD and had help letting go of the moments that I was abused or misunderstood for being this way. It was easier to differentiate between who I really am at the core, compared to the version of me that was tainted and conditioned throughout life. Most importantly, it helped me forgive myself which in turn helped me forgive others.This extends to the purely wicked although it doesn’t make their actions okay. Forgiveness benefits the forgiver the most.
I was also shown various unexpected surprises. For example, I connected to my spirit animal as well as had telepathic contact with powerful spirits and archetypes. I was guided on how to achieve an unstoppable mindset and how I should conduct myself in order to thrive in life. I was repeatedly reminded to be the tip of the spear. This meant to consistently penetrate into the unknown and make it my comfort zone. The unknown is where the magic happens. It is there where infinite undiscovered potential lies. There was also heavy emphasis on spiritedness and not backing down to life’s challenges. It also went into great length to show how far humans have come and how we’ve evolved to overcome every seemingly impossible obstacle as a species. This was to say that I should have full confidence in the evolved technology of my human body and mind and to trust in its ability to adapt to whatever. On another note, I was shown how sacred family and lineage are and that it is my duty to honor my ancestors by striving for excellence. In visual story-like interpretations, it highlighted who I am at the core and my strengths that I take for granted. I was encouraged to be proud and rewrite the story of my life.
Overall, the experience was very deep, exciting, artistic, insightful, psychological, fun, colourful and liberating. I could go on about it forever. Ask anyone I’ve told. I would love to do it again and I plan to do it many more times. There is still much more work to do, but the experience made me lighter overall and gave me more momentum to continue evolving. I feel more capable and in control of climbing the rest of the mountain that is before me. This is just the beginning. I am ready to make a dent in the world.
Treena has a deep knowledge of Iboga, and facilitates the medicine journey with respect and authenticity.
My experience with Iboga was life changing and empowering beyond expectation!!
I highly recommend Treena facilitating your Iboga medicine journey, if you want to deepen your connection with yourself, your ancestors, and mother earth.
Iboga has provided a subconscious tool kit that is felt in my field of awareness when dealing with things in my life.
I feel drawn back to Iboga, whether sitting in ceremony with it, or perhaps taking a microdose approach. But I am called back for sure, either way.
Iboga is something I’ve only been able to tell a few people about, and even out of those select few, I’m not sure that anyone gets it. Most people say something like, ”You were just laying on your back for two days?” But I can say for certain that it was one of the most beautiful things in my life to have experienced; a true blessing. I’m still processing it, but in a joyous way, and almost sinking back into it, which I try for in my night meditations before bed.
I thank IbogaJourney for offering good medicine in a space that tends to every facet of the experience that is required, facilitated in the best way ever.
From all outward appearances, I seemed to have my sh*t together. I was extremely loyal, hard working, excelling and promoted within multiple professions over a couple of decades. I had everyone fooled, except my wife, who suffered along with me. On the inside, a daily internal struggle ensued; anguish and suffering were the cross I beared. This culminated into a severe nervous breakdown.
I sought over two years of weekly assistance with psychotherapists. Desperate for healing, I’ve also used a prescribed SSRI and received Ketamine infusion therapy. Both provided remarkable, yet temporary relief from my symptoms. At this point, life became unbearable. My two-and-a-half decades of suicidal ideation felt like they were peaking to a final crescendo.
Desperate to save my life, I traveled to British Columbia to partake in this sacred tribal African Iboga ceremony. The impact of this experience was life changing. Iboga is truly a magical, healing, plant-based medicine that I now have a profound respect for. A reset took place within me, beyond words, beyond my own understanding.
I’ve clawed my way back, and my journey continues. I’m continuing to realign with my higher self and purpose. It feels amazing. I feel amazing! Joy, love, laughter, compassion, forgiveness, gratitude and curiosity are the keystones by which my internal compass guides me now. Yes, there are still challenges in my life, and things I’m continuing to work through and grow into, but I hold trust and strength in a better tomorrow.
As for the facilitators and the yurts, I’ll always remember. It was a special turning point in my life.
Jeremy and Tove guided 10 souls into a new beginning, a new understanding, and a new appreciation for life. The attention and care they both showed us during the duration of our journey together made the experience all that more memorable. I think MAGICAL is the best way to describe what took place there that weekend!
With all my heart, I thank them both
My journey with this medicine began about three years ago when I first started to research the potential of this strange substance and its unique healing and transformational qualities. What I saw clearly, in hindsight of the actual ceremony, was how many of my lessons and insights from Iboga came to me during the time of my research and preparation for this rite of passage. I can recall on many times feeling clearly connected to the spirit of Iboga and receiving its healing and insight before ever having physically met. Though this was the case, I still had this expectation going into ceremony that somehow Iboga would resemble one of my Ayahuasca or mushroom experiences or measure up to Aubrey Marcus’ legendary account, but this wasn’t the case for me. In a way, I had been telling myself for a long time that a major transformation would have to come from a death-ride through heaven and hell and back. Instead, what I was given was something so subtle and unexpected, that I thought “something must be off here,” like I hadn’t taken enough, or I was resisting the medicine, or it just wasn’t working for me even though I was completely nauseous, dizzy, and weak…and I was wired af…and my mind was racing with some really bizarre thoughts and chaotic imaginations. In fact, I was internally confused and resentful through much of the ceremony, feeling like I was very foolish for having put so much time, energy, and effort into bringing myself to partake in this session. Friday night and all day Saturday seemed like a complete wash. I had only managed to question and judge everything, everyone, and my self super harshly. But after managing to nod off, I woke from a hard sleep on Sunday morningsomehow feeling refreshed and comfortable in my body. We spent the whole morning having breakfast and sharing about our experience after enduring the day and a half of mostly silence. Hearing everyone’s story, suddenly it clicked for me.
Iboga showed me the value of my mind’s attempt to control and plan things in my life. It showed up in the form of garbled, nonsensical, and vulgur contortions of violence and insanity. Literally, no useful information came to me as I tried to form thoughts about what sort of experience that I needed to have in order to heal myself. This failure to control became exhausting to the point of total surrender and detachment from caring at all about acheiving a desired outcome. Basically, I was just waiting for the iboga to wear off so that I could pack up my things and go back home. It was through these moment of surrender into a meditative like state that I would realize that I was actually receiving clear thoughts and images. Nothing particularly profound, but just simple, clean, and clear mental functioning and emotional balance. It wasn’t until a month later that I finally realized the wisdom I had gained from this experience. My ego’s wanting to control and plan and structure my life is an act of futility. My ability to surrender and let go is actually what allows the vital messages to channel through. In other words, I just need to let existence do the work. OF COURSE my mind is flawed and full of shit! But life ALWAYS knows the best way… This message has come to me many times. My attempts to trust this wisdom and fully integrate it into my life have been less than graceful. I see clearly, now, how at this point in my life, this would be the big message for me.
I could go on extensively about all of the ways I feel this medicine has woven its magic into my life. It is a truly unique and personally transformational force. I am grateful for having received this medicine and that I was aligned with Deena and Jeremy for the ceremonial portion of my experience. Their guidance and care with everyone is exceptional. They are truly wonderful beings of healing light and love in this world of chaos. Many blessings to them and their continued works and also to those that seek the healing spirit of Iboga.
Iboga really surprised me. It was none of those things.
The ceremony itself was so perfectly crafted. Deena and Jeremy’s commitment to service is both humbling and inspiring. I always felt safe, even at my most vulnerable.
The shifts in my life since have been subtle, unexpected, and yet intense. They crept in quietly – depression ebbed away, chronic aches and pain dissipated, I quit smoking, rearranged and purged the house, set healthy boundaries at work, eventually quit work, maintained a self care routine – all without fanfare. And unlike many other shifts via plant teachers, these ones have persisted and the benefits continue to blossom.
It’s over one year now since my ceremony, and I can still see the effects in my daily life, primarily in my ability to ‘hear’ or ‘receive’ new ideas, information, and messages. There is a clarity and inner knowing available to me now that I had been craving and yet felt out of reach of. I can choose to react differently. I am no longer trapped by my habitual programming, and that moment-by-moment choice has been the real gift.
Even now, I continue to shed remnants of my past and lay down old patterns that no longer serve. I suppose that journey is never over. Relationships with friends, lovers, and family have all shifted. I can see how my healing has rippled out and created positive change in my environment and those I interact with, too. It hasn’t been all rainbows and butterflies. Instead it’s as though I have leveled up, so I feel equipped to handle all of the twists and turns and discomforts of life that use to leave me feeling apathetic at best and suicidal at worst.
I think I came to Iboga hoping to ‘kill’ who I was, in essence, and be rebirthed as an entirely new and ideal me. I was craving something dramatic.
I left with something far more valuable: I am steadily falling in love with my imperfect self, and I am creating a life that I am both proud of and eager to participate in.
Leading up to the ceremony I took Jeremys advice to get out in nature and practise trust and surrender. I appreciate the advice because now I understand just how important it is.
During the ceremony, I felt 100% cared by Jeremy and Deena. They were alongside us in our journey always ready to help us go to the bathroom or give advice. I also felt like my personal space was respected and I was listened to during the experience.
Iboga showed me the truth, and the emotions that I’ve been hiding since I was a child. It showed me what I was running from and how to feel. While I still am working on feeling these emotions, I see the value in acknowledging the truth of how i’m feeling and expressing it. Iboga has become a guide for me; a real anchor in my life. It showed me the truth in a way that I can’t put into words, but that I know if I follow it everything will be okay. This is where I’m learning to trust and surrender to life, like Jeremy wisely coaches.
Over the few months following the Iboga ceremony, I was presented with many challenges. Iboga has helped me see these challenges in a new light. I see how certain barriers in life are teaching me something and how to work through them. My relationships with people have improved. I am able to share with others more easily and understand that others have fears and anxieties limiting them, as I do. I feel like I’m growing everyday. While I still experience fear and negative thinking, I don’t feel stuck in it. Iboga has shown me the power of my own mind, how to simply recognize fear and live how I desire; in my truth. Iboga is really a gift, one that I’ll forever be grateful for. It definitely doesn’t do the work for you but it opens up so many opportunities for growth that I believe it can make any healing possible.
I now find time everyday to appreciate what life and nature provide for me. Iboga showed me the stillness of my being and I am able to access this when I spend time in nature. Its a gift very few people get to experience, and I’m grateful for Jeremy and Deena sharing the Iboga experience.
Its obvious that Jeremy and Deena have done the work themselves. They provided great support to myself and the rest of the group throughout the ceremony. Couldn’t ask for more!
PS — As warriors, we ask ourselves, ‘Was it worth it?’ Particularly when friends are lost or hurt. My Iboga Journey was worth it. Unquestionably so.
In my journey, I assumed I would revisit traumatic experiences from my childhood, but it was the opposite. I saw visuals of positive times with my Mom, which makes sense because I’ve been clinging to the story that a teen Mom raised me, and already know it was stressful. It’s clear it’s time to re-write my story.
I have also been plagued with depression and anxiety in my life, and I had a sense during the ceremony that my body shaking off 38 years of unprocessed, built-up fright or flight tension.
It was like my mind and all of my thoughts were there for me to see, through my eyelids…and they are mostly B.S…. lol. Judgements, fears, worries, all of it.
Dancing used to be one of my favourite ways to connect to my soul and feel free, and it changed somewhere in life, which saddened me. Prior to ceremony I’d been admiring my 3-year-old daughter (my guru) and the way she dances as if she is in a trance, so alive and one with the music. I had set an intention before ceremony to be able to dance like no one is watching again, and when the Bwiti music came on I honestly felt like it moved me from my core and it was such an amazing feeling… the rebirth.
I really appreciate what Deena and Jeremy are doing in this world, I feel like it is a healing that is so, so necessary.
The greatest part in all of this: you are not alone in the journey. Jeremy is a wonderful guide from day one. Honest and sincere, he will be with you and he will make sure that you are ready for this. He’s definitely a kind of modern shaman with a sincere heart with one thing in mind : help you through your journey.
For me and for a first experience with those kinds of spiritual plants, the setting for the ceremony was perfect. The rain forest and the farm was like home to me. The warm welcome from Jeremy and his place was what I needed to feel at peace.
The ceremony was on the last weekend of my two month road trip from Montreal to Squamish (with a detour to Mount Shasta, California). I’m a spiritual guy. I love those beyond space and time kind of experiences. Synchronicity brought me there and I know why. Today, nearly 3 months after the ceremony, I’m still discovering how these three days have changed my life … in a wonderful way.
Thank you Jeremy. You’re definitely a guide in many ways.
Namaste brother.
I have a high tolerance for medicine so I took more iboga pills than anyone at the retreat. The medicine kicked in within a couple of hours. I had no intention in purging but I purged a lot and I had constant hot and cold body flashes throughout the night. I could not get comfortable, I tossed and turned all night, and the medicine worked all night.
Jeremy and his assistant did a great job on getting everyone to focus and relax. I was able to welcome the medicine and allow it to take me on my journey. The journey began when I saw a blue screen with a image of a astronaut/spaceman and a google cursor. I saw a bunch of words being typed and it felt like I was being reprogrammed in a sense. I began seeing images and whenever I would focus on the details, it would fade away, and another vision would appear. At times my thoughts would appear right before me. I saw timelines of my life in files that kept going higher and higher vertically. Throughout the night I had visions.
During the ceremony and afterward its very hard to move with out being dizzy. Whenever I lifted my head to take a another dose, I became dizzy. I don’t recommend drinking a lot of water before ceremony, the medicine takes longer to kick in. The following morning everyone in the retreat was bed ridden, we all could barely stand. Jeremy and his assistant did their best to revive everyone back to normalcy.
The atmosphere was very quiet for the next 2 days. It was a time to recover and self reflect. Sunday morning, I was able to get up, and I went outside to go for a walk in the woods. When I stepped outside, everything was different. I seen the world like I’ve never seen it before. I had this aura, this glow around my body like electricity. I would wave my hands and this amazing flow of energy would follow. I kept waving my hands just to see the streaks of energy in the air. It was like something you’d see in a kung fu movie. I looked at my environment and the aura/white electricity type glow was everywhere. Everything was alive, the trees were electric, grass, water, animals, etc It was amazing and definitely my favorite part of the retreat.
It let me know we are all connected somehow, someway. There’s a divine energy or matrix that was so evident, that it overwhelmed me with joy. To be one with the All, it just felt great. The morning aura visions lasted a week or so after the retreat and my lower back pain was gone. I immediately wanted to do something active after the retreat.
Due to my back pain I smoked marijuana at least 6 times a day. But I had no urge to smoke, I didn’t even have a urge to eat sweets and junk food. My mind, body, and soul wouldn’t let me. I’m now able to exercise and play basketball. I haven’t played basketball in 6 years. My only pain I experience now is regular soreness from being physically active.
My meditations and dreams became more vivid since leaving the retreat. Everyday my focus is to be a better person, a more loving person. I take weekly baths in epsom salt, baking soda, and lavender. I also gargle with organic coconut oil every night. Overall the medicine resonated with me so much more than Ayahuasca and San Pedro. I intend to return again for a possibly yearly tune up.
I can’t be more thankful to the All, Iboga, Jeremy, my family, everyone at the retreat, and of course myself. Everyday I’m thankful for ridding myself of my lower back pain and finally moving forward in my life. Its a great feeling, a great feeling.
When I spoke with Jeremy for the first time any resistance I had was laid to rest. There was such power and clarity in our interaction that I felt absolutely safe and supported by him. He advised me to start asking the questions which I wanted guidance on. He said that the more work I did beforehand to clarify what I was seeking, the more I would attain from the experience with Iboga. Jeremy provided dedicated support the whole time prior to the ceremony. Our discussions really shaped what my experience would reveal.
My journey with Iboga started the moment I began to ask questions. I was not necessarily getting clear answers, but I was definitely receiving information. The months leading up to my ceremony were intense, and in fact, the difficulty in my life seemed to get worse and worse. Yet underneath it all, I had the understanding that the suffering I was going through was purposeful and necessary. I realize now that I was going through a process of purification where I was beginning to see myself honestly, and where I was beginning to acknowledge the stories and the lies that were holding me down in life. The days before the ceremony were the most intense and culminated in a breakdown, or shall I say a breakthrough, that left me incredibly calm and clear — ready for what I was about to embark on. I entered the ceremony fearlessly and in a state of truth, ready to truly meet myself.
The ceremony itself was one of the most incredible things I have ever experienced. I attribute much of this to the energy that Jeremy and Tova cultivated for the space. Their own histories and experiences were an essential part of how they supported my transformation.
What I saw and felt once I began to take the Iboga medicine is ineffable, but the effects are palpable even now. The unveiling of my ignorance is something from which I know I cannot return. The wisdom I attained has allowed me to express more of my potential and to express more of my authentic self. Since the ceremony I have been able to navigate life with more grace and ease. The effects were immediate and have only been getting more and more refined. There has been an immense shift in my way of being, and life has become more pleasurable than I had previously experienced. Challenges still arise, but my reactions and ways of dealing with them are softer and more skillful. I might even say that challenges have become an expected part of life that I respect and value as opportunities through which I can grow.
I am forever grateful to the Iboga medicine and to Jeremy and Tova for assisting me in uncovering what is already there. I look forward to continuing the journey as I unravel more and more of that which I already am.
For over 19 years, I had been taking a daily strong dosage of fluoxetine. I tried on two or three occasions to wean myself off them, but within 2 months I would be clinically depressed once again. At times, I was self-destructive and suicidal. I would drink too much, and make everything worse. I was so tired; living my life always restless, agitated, yearning. I cut my dosage to half about three weeks before Iboga and stopped altogether two weeks before. That was October 3rd 2014.
What has ensued is incredible. I have been experiencing raw, unmedicated life. During these months, I have re-discovered wholesome reality. I had forgotten. Life goes on as normal. I broke my ankle, and was in a cast for months, two dear friends of mine passed away, I experienced the painful anniversary of my daughters death, all without anesthetic. So I have been sad, but never despairing. Hard to explain how it felt good to feel emotions that were sometimes painful. I am free of that desperate constant anxiety that was such a “thorn in my shoe”. I am confident, clear and at rest in knowing that I really can accomplish anything my mind decides. I can choose whether or not I want to have a drink. And every now and then, I get a pure wave of joy and a lightness that I remember from early childhood. I am so grateful to Jeremy for guiding me through the amazing experience last year. Thanks always Jeremy and Tara. I LOVE my life.
Jeremy has really fine-tuned the journey. I have never felt so safe in a ceremony! My only challenge was with myself – thinking about whether it was enough for me, but of course that is my life lesson — to trust that I got what I needed! In life I have often put unrealistic expectations on myself. I was able to hold down as much as I needed to get the lessons in that particular journey.
I had serious childhood trauma and have spent years in therapy to heal from this and the Iboga certainly has helped make some sense of things for me. Particularly, I was put into vulnerable states, so taking mind altering substances is a huge scary trigger for me. However, the experience was profoundly healing because I seriously went into body memory of the vulnerability. The space was held though so of course on an intellectual level I knew this was not the case, but my body did not know the difference. Long story short, coming out of that experience was miraculous for me. Also, part of my childhood trauma was to experience some rituals that were so brutal and terrifying, they left me feeling so utterly alone and despondent completely void of hope that there is a God or whatever you want to call it watching out for me. I went into that state again in the Iboga, but instead, something so precious happened: I felt a pressure on my right side, something physically trying to get my attention and I looked over to the right and saw this beautiful grandfather being floating above, glorious and glowing in a robe with a beautiful light shimmering and a blue chord going from the earth through his body out through his crown into the cosmos, and a glowing, intelligent Star lit up in his third eye into mine and a glorious light ignited my third eye — the feeling was so exquisite that words cannot describe! At this moment I get grateful tears as I write this, I know once again through ceremony and self inquiry, that I am okay and protected and there is something so mysterious, powerful and beautiful that is watching over me to guide me and protect me never alone! So all I can say to someone out there who is considering doing a ceremony, but may be hesitant or scared – if I can do it, you can do it!
A heartfelt thank you to Jeremy for being such a humble servant, with love and blessings.
It was not a cake walk and be prepared to do some work, but you can definitely trust this medicine. It is a wise and powerful teacher.
As for Jeremy:
Never before have I witnesses such integrity, understanding and true compassion from a man. Jeremy is deeply aware of his responsibility to each and every person that he guides through ceremony. I have done 2 journeys with him now and the second journey, after knowing I could put my complete faith in him, was a far deeper, more spiritual and profound experience. He is the finest example of “father” that I have ever seen. Taking care of each person with immense presence, strength, and grace. He understands his calling and delivers a beautiful, sacred ceremony with true homage to its heritage. Surrender to the medicine. Put your faith in Jeremy. You will not be let down.
Huge love Jeremy!
My occupation is a professional engineer, and at one time I was also an athlete competing at an international level, but for the past 5 years I have struggled with an addiction to pain killers. I have been wanting to and been trying very hard to change and overcome this affliction for a long time, which involved (and still does) being a member of a 12 step fellowship, and in my fight to overcome my addiction I have attended 2 different residential treatment centres over the past 4 years. Nothing that I have done to date during my recovery has helped me and showed me that I could live without substances like Iboga has. This process or journey has truly changed my life, how I look at myself, and for the first time made me feel as though I will never have to use painkillers again. I now have a new freedom and a new happiness, and have been enjoying freedom from pills since the ceremony.
An Iboga journey is an intense experience and I feel like having someone there to help and guide you is an essential part to ensure you maximize the potential for positive results. Jeremy was crucial to this process and I can’t stress enough how I feel like he helped show me what I needed to see and guided me in the direction I needed. Without having him there I without a doubt don’t think I would be where I am today (free of drugs and on a spiritual path).
I feel as though we each have the answers to our life struggles inside of us, but this plant medicine uncovers the things that are blocking us from seeing the answers. During this journey I was shown in a very clear way what drew me to using painkillers, why I used them, and how to live so that I did not ever need them again. I strongly believe that it re-set my brain to a pre-addiction state, and in addition to showing me the root of my behaviours following the ceremony it gave me a long lasting, strong feeling of wellbeing (its been 2 months and I still have it). Iboga is magical in how well it works, but it is not a one-time magic bullet that will prevent me from ever going back to my old way of life. What I mean by this is that although it has taken away my cravings (Yes, I have not one had a craving since the ceremony) and showed me a new way to live (a different mindset, where I look at the world differently) it still requires work on my part to keep it up and to continue to grow spiritually. Through my 12 step work I have been taught that in order to have long lasting (lifelong) sobriety one needs to have a spiritual experience and adopt a new way of thinking. I was not able to find this or achieve this until I went through an Iboga ceremony with Jeremy. Iboga gave me that essential spiritual experience, and now I can say without a doubt that I have adopted a new way of thinking – one that I am 100% certain will allow me to live drug free for life.
I did a lot of preparation to get ready for the ceremony including reading about Iboga listening to tapes and podcasts, and watching videos, and was really ready to change and let go of the negative things in my life. I had written down a number of questions I wanted to ask the medicine, and each one was answered very clearly to me throughout the death, and during the walk through the land of our ancestors and the re-birth.
I did not think that there was something that could provide me with such an experience that would allow for such a dramatic transformation. I thought that the rest of my life would be a hard struggle of meetings, therapists and slow progress. This was absolutely like having a lifelong amount of therapy in one weekend, and was exactly what I needed to help me. Giving me space from my addiction, insight into exactly why I did what I did, it showed me so clearly the truth as to what was blocking me from having the life I want and what I deserve, and gave me a new strong sense of spirituality. It has absolutely changed my life for the better, and is worth 1000 times (or more) what it costs. I recommend anyone who is wanting to change something in their life to go on this journey, but you have to be ready to face yourself, and ready to change (really want it). I am so grateful for Jeremy and this process – it has changed my life beyond how I can describe. One thing I can say is now I feel ok with myself and who I am, when I never really did before, and I feel like I live on a higher, more positive frequency every day of my life.
I loved my painkillers, but never knew or felt a way of life that is as satisfying or fulfilling as how I live today. The medicine and Jeremy’s help showed me this feeling, this way of life. They showed me how to live with my true self, the real me. My soul is beautiful and I am now able to see him and to honour him. I would not give this up for anything. This life is a long, exciting journey, and I look forward to what lies ahead with excitement and wonder. Thank you Jeremy. ☺
My friend introduced me to Jeremy and he met with me 2 weeks before the ceremony to hear what I had to say, answer my questions and prepare me for the journey. What struck me first about him was the intensity and the light coming from him. He seemed joyful, confident and deeply passionate about Iboga and the change it had helped him make in his own life. He told me to start working on my intentions. What I wanted for myself through this process. He told me to spend some time focussing on those intentions and to write them down. He welcomed me to continue to stay in contact with him so that I could ask him questions or voice concerns as needed. He also told me the dates and cost. It was only a few days and the cost was more than reasonable however, for me, both seemed insurmountable barriers. How was I going to find someone to care for my kids for a few days? Where was I going to come up for money for this when I could barely make rent? Never the less, I agreed. In the next couple weeks these barriers cleared out of the way with minimal effort. A surprise bit of money came my way 2 days before the ceremony that was the exact amount I needed. My children’s father called me out of the blue and offered to take the kids for the days I needed when he has never done anything like this before. Already the Iboga was working it’s magic. It was all very real now. I was going and I was terrified.
The location was breathtaking. Everyone there seemed as nervous as I was. Jeremy has obviously spent a lot of time preparing the space and no detail seemed missed. He met with each of us to touch base before we began and helped put us to ease. At sundown the fire was lit. I threw my intentions in and we began.
What can I say about the journey itself? I have heard Iboga compared to 10 years of psychotherapy in one night, The ghost of Christmas past, like defragging a computer. It was all of those things. It was every range of emotion I have ever known but mostly it was love, self-catered to me. It was exactly what I needed it to be exactly when I need it to happen. I learned things about myself I would never have been able to dislodge on my own. Found compassion for those I was in conflict with and discovered understanding to my true nature and spirit. It was harrowing, exhilarating and exhausting and through it all Jeremy was there. Guiding us, caring for us and watching over us.
It’s a year later now. The first couple months after Iboga I walked on a cloud. Not only had my disposition changed so had my appearance. I was light, joyful and so grateful. But it was not over for me. I still had my extremely stressful life to contend with and it picked up the pace. Pushing and testing me over the next few months but this time I pushed back and focused on where I wanted to be. Over the course of the year my life has seen major changes. I am no longer where I was. I enjoy a blessed life with my children and continue to grow in new and exciting ways. Life continues to unfold for me but now I feel like I am driving and the future is exactly what I want it to be.
I can not thank Jeremy enough. Through it all I never doubted that I was in caring hands and every detail was thought of. It was perfection. I would recommend anyone for this experience no matter what your background or what you are looking for. Next month my brother is going and I can’t wait to see the life he has waiting for him.
I agreed to do it, and was quite nervous for the weeks leading up to it. Once I spoke to Jeremy on the phone, so many of my fears were put to rest. I knew that I was completely safe. He was intelligent and passionate about the healing that this medicine could offer. There were, of course, things in my life that I wanted to change, blocks that I had. I didn’t feel that I was particularly addicted to anything, but I was ready for some changes. He set me up with some intention setting writing exercises, where I was to form the questions that I had for the medicine.
Right before the session, I was also able to meet with Jeremy and go over these things. He listened so well that I felt completely heard, and it gave me even more faith that I was in the right place. I was struck by his solidity and integrity and he carries himself with a poise that I rarely see.
The ceremonial aspect that began the journey was beautiful. It had depth and heart, as we all sat in a circle and spoke of our intentions for the journey and what we wanted to shift. There were four participants, the guide and an assistant.
We were well informed about the process. How for the next 10 hours we would take medicine on the hour, every hour. Then there would be 12 hours of transition.
I became quite afraid in this moment, but i breathed through it and remembered that I had chosen to accept this gift. The first dose we took together, I immediately felt a calm come over me, though my heart beat seemed stronger than usual. I was told the medicine was connecting like an umbilical cord in that moment and I felt that deeply in my being.
After the next dose, I lay down on my mattress and put my eye mask on. I felt the medicine moving through me like roots in my veins. It was powerful and nourishing and I did not feel remotely afraid at this point. In fact, I didn’t feel any emotion. I felt strangely detached and just observed the incredible visions that I had for the next 10 hours. I did feel nauseous, but I was able to breathe and keep from purging for a very long time, maybe 6 rounds of medicine. I felt myself getting weaker physically, and my body was kind of numb, like I wasn’t in need of it at the moment. None of this was alarming, as I was in a state of complete trust.
The things that I saw during this time I am unable to articulate. I went to places in my life that were the happiest, times that were the hardest when I have done questionable things, and spent time with people long gone. It was amazing. I was able to come out when I needed to in order to go to the bathroom (I needed help walking as the room spun) and was able to connect with Jeremy when he would come over and remind me to ask questions. It was like my entire subconscious was open for inquiry. Though I felt physically uncomfortable, I can safely say that those were the 10 most fascinating hours of my life. My questions were answered, and then some!
The sun came up and Jeremy came over to prepare me for the transition. This was the ‘in between place’, the land of the ancestors and the hungry ghosts. He instructed me very clearly on the task ahead of me. Now I was to FEEL what I had seen. He said to really feel it, and then let it go. The next 12 hours were some of the most essential, agonizing, and longest hours of my life. I lay there quietly and in stillness, but inside was inexplicably intense…sorrow, fury and pain, but also relief and beauty and freedom. I got sick a few times, but it felt important, like it was another way of releasing the embodied emotions. At one point, I felt like one emotion was deep in my cells and the medicine was trying to free me from it. It felt like it had claws in every bit of me. I threw up, lay down and then felt it lift like strong velcro from my body. I knew it was a fear that I had carried all my life. A fear of being abandoned.
As it wore off, Jeremy brought some beautiful food. I couldn’t eat much. I felt like I had a new digestive system that had to start from scratch with easy food. I began to feel incredible. Then I took a small nap and woke to Jeremy playing Bwiti music and inviting us to wake up, move and step into our new lives, born again without the baggage of the pain we had been carrying.
Let me just say that I am a highly functioning mother of three. I have been extremely successful in my life and marriage in every sense of the word. I did not realize that I was being held back by an almost unbearable fear. Without wanting to admit it, it was affecting the depth of my relationships with my children, my husband and my community. I also realized that I was addicted to sugar, coffee and wine. These were things I didn’t want to give up, but I felt so clean and pure and vital that I didn’t want them.
A month later, I am still witnessing this spacious feeling. I am sure it would have taken 6 months of detoxing and years of therapy to reach the place physically and emotionally where I am now. Extra weight just fell off me. Stress and urgency feel like they are unwelcome in my life. Still, i know life will continue to offer experiences that challenge me, but I feel capable of dealing with them in a new way, without the triggers of old pain.
I am so grateful to my friend who gifted this to me, and that she knew I could handle the intensity of the medicine. I read somewhere that Iboga is a one way ticket. It really is, and I never want to go back. Thank you, Jeremy for facilitating this experience with so much strength and grace. Never have have I felt more centred, more alive, or more free.
I agreed to do it, and was quite nervous for the weeks leading up to it. Once I spoke to Jeremy on the phone, so many of my fears were put to rest. I knew that I was completely safe. He was intelligent and passionate about the healing that this medicine could offer. There were, of course, things in my life that I wanted to change, blocks that I had. I didn’t feel that I was particularly addicted to anything, but I was ready for some changes. He set me up with some intention setting writing exercises, where I was to form the questions that I had for the medicine.
Right before the session, I was also able to meet with Jeremy and go over these things. He listened so well that I felt completely heard, and it gave me even more faith that I was in the right place. I was struck by his solidity and integrity and he carries himself with a poise that I rarely see.
The ceremonial aspect that began the journey was beautiful. It had depth and heart, as we all sat in a circle and spoke of our intentions for the journey and what we wanted to shift. There were four participants, the guide and an assistant.
We were well informed about the process. How for the next 10 hours we would take medicine on the hour, every hour. Then there would be 12 hours of transition.
I became quite afraid in this moment, but i breathed through it and remembered that I had chosen to accept this gift. The first dose we took together, I immediately felt a calm come over me, though my heart beat seemed stronger than usual. I was told the medicine was connecting like an umbilical cord in that moment and I felt that deeply in my being.
After the next dose, I lay down on my mattress and put my eye mask on. I felt the medicine moving through me like roots in my veins. It was powerful and nourishing and I did not feel remotely afraid at this point. In fact, I didn’t feel any emotion. I felt strangely detached and just observed the incredible visions that I had for the next 10 hours. I did feel nauseous, but I was able to breathe and keep from purging for a very long time, maybe 6 rounds of medicine. I felt myself getting weaker physically, and my body was kind of numb, like I wasn’t in need of it at the moment. None of this was alarming, as I was in a state of complete trust.
The things that I saw during this time I am unable to articulate. I went to places in my life that were the happiest, times that were the hardest when I have done questionable things, and spent time with people long gone. It was amazing. I was able to come out when I needed to in order to go to the bathroom (I needed help walking as the room spun) and was able to connect with Jeremy when he would come over and remind me to ask questions. It was like my entire subconscious was open for inquiry. Though I felt physically uncomfortable, I can safely say that those were the 10 most fascinating hours of my life. My questions were answered, and then some!
The sun came up and Jeremy came over to prepare me for the transition. This was the ‘in between place’, the land of the ancestors and the hungry ghosts. He instructed me very clearly on the task ahead of me. Now I was to FEEL what I had seen. He said to really feel it, and then let it go. The next 12 hours were some of the most essential, agonizing, and longest hours of my life. I lay there quietly and in stillness, but inside was inexplicably intense…sorrow, fury and pain, but also relief and beauty and freedom. I got sick a few times, but it felt important, like it was another way of releasing the embodied emotions. At one point, I felt like one emotion was deep in my cells and the medicine was trying to free me from it. It felt like it had claws in every bit of me. I threw up, lay down and then felt it lift like strong velcro from my body. I knew it was a fear that I had carried all my life. A fear of being abandoned.
As it wore off, Jeremy brought some beautiful food. I couldn’t eat much. I felt like I had a new digestive system that had to start from scratch with easy food. I began to feel incredible. Then I took a small nap and woke to Jeremy playing Bwiti music and inviting us to wake up, move and step into our new lives, born again without the baggage of the pain we had been carrying.
Let me just say that I am a highly functioning mother of three. I have been extremely successful in my life and marriage in every sense of the word. I did not realize that I was being held back by an almost unbearable fear. Without wanting to admit it, it was affecting the depth of my relationships with my children, my husband and my community. I also realized that I was addicted to sugar, coffee and wine. These were things I didn’t want to give up, but I felt so clean and pure and vital that I didn’t want them.
A month later, I am still witnessing this spacious feeling. I am sure it would have taken 6 months of detoxing and years of therapy to reach the place physically and emotionally where I am now. Extra weight just fell off me. Stress and urgency feel like they are unwelcome in my life. Still, i know life will continue to offer experiences that challenge me, but I feel capable of dealing with them in a new way, without the triggers of old pain.
I am so grateful to my friend who gifted this to me, and that she knew I could handle the intensity of the medicine. I read somewhere that Iboga is a one way ticket. It really is, and I never want to go back. Thank you, Jeremy for facilitating this experience with so much strength and grace. Never have have I felt more centred, more alive, or more free.
After an introductory consultation with Deena, I felt confident I was doing this with the right people, and started the introspection. As soon as I signed up for the ceremony, everything that was bothering me intensified, and my patterns were strong as ever. That was essential for what was to come. I had the most vivid dreams of my life that directly cast light on the core of my problems. Iboga starts working on you before it is even in your system.
The day of the ceremony came. I met Jeremy and Deena, and right away I noticed that they were perfect mediums of the work. They never impregnated the experience with any of their own unsolved, disharmonious ideas. They have done extensive work on themselves with Iboga, and that is so apparent from the beginning. These two are doing this work for the right reasons, and from the purest heart.
The ceremony was an incredible two days I will remember as long as I am alive. As my body gradually filled with Iboga, nausea started, as did visions. At first mild, and mostly shadows, then more detailed. Yes, it was difficult for the body. Yes, it was hard to get up to go to the washroom (Jeremy was there in the blink of an eye to assist). Yes, the purging was explosive and unpleasant. But the whole way through the process you trust Iboga.
There were four important messages I received from Iboga:
1. I was shown the cycle of life and death on Earth. The Spirit of Iboga took me to Serengeti planes, and showed me the migration of animals in the wilderness. New babies were being born, their parents caring for them, and the elders dying. And all that going in cycles. The shift of generations was a natural, beautiful dance of nature. It gave me the understanding of our transience, and how we are here only for a limited time.
2. The spirit of Iboga went into my brain and pulled out all the memories I no longer needed. It rearranged some, and I could see my brain getting worked on as a bar that went from 100 percent to zero percent within a few seconds. It released me from my past.
3. I was shown all the human inventions, and how we are an amazing race because we have the power of creation. It showed me the path of creating something by imagination to its manifestation. This was the gift of the power of imagination. I must say that now I approach all my obstacles in life almost as if I were playing, finding the most creative, efficient way to solve them. It has changed everything!
4. Finally, I was shown myself 10 years down the road. I was coming home to two beautiful sons, and a wife. Happiness, they are jumping over me. I am working on five different projects and communicating with a bunch of people. There’s a lot of work, but I do exactly what I love and it fuels me. Then the Spirit of Iboga told me that I needed to see this, as this was myself that I was meant to meet down the road. The gift of hope.
Saturday we were given some fruit to eat, and it tasted like the nectar of gods. Bananas and watermelons. With Iboga I learned what tastes right. Dead food (fried, dough, junk food) suddenly seemed repulsive. All of Saturday I had an indescribable serenity; what it must feel like being in mama’s womb. No thoughts.
Saturday night, there was a surprise for us. The visions subsided, but it was one of the most magical parts of ceremony. At that moment I was given the gift of unconditional love.
This experience was the single most important experience of my life. My past is gone. The monkey that chatters in our brains is gone. I have much less thoughts than before. I simply act. I know I will achieve what I have planned for myself, and it felt unattainable before I took Iboga. My relationship with everyone around me has improved. Self-value is where it is supposed to be.
The theme of Iboga is the value of life. And I value mine.
As for Jeremy and Deena; I am so happy to have met them. And to know that people like them exist in the world, doing this kind of work with so much love and dedication. To have had them look over me at such a vulnerable state. They cared for us like we were their children. I truly feel like I can say I consider them my Bwiti parents, and my friends. Their care exceeded my expectations by far, and I could trust them by sending my loved ones to them for ceremony.
For me your location was stunning and superb for it. Your energies and stable presence were crucial and fantastic and I am forever grateful that you do what you do. Both of you were holding space impeccably with integrity and the know how that is needed to navigate these intense energies.
I do not remember ever feeling so poorly after any of the other experiences I have had including childbirth and the ones I stated above .,yet 3 days after ceremony and I have the feeling of having been reset to my original blueprint and not anyone elses programming any longer.
I feel for the first time a palpatable difference in how I walk and talk and my nervous system feels like it has been reset as well which makes me witness myself as calm and collected and loving with my 3 young children instead of pick up on their everchanging energies like it was the case prior to my weekend with you.
I will never be able to explain this to anyone or even myself. It was too vast to grasp and too sacred to even try as nobody would be able to understand what goes on when with you and I feel that is the beauty of it. I knew I was being called and guided by spirit to take part. I never questioned or doubted and now I know why. I believe I had suffered enough by programming that was not mine that the universe was kind enough for me to find you and greet me with such love and understanding that I will cherish it to the day I die.
You both are amazing and I bow to you as going through this experience myself shows me who you must be as souls to have signed up for this job as facilitators to help heal the planet one by one.
I have infinite gratitude in my heart for everything that involved my experience with you even if afterwards for two days I was barely able to walk or talk ? I would recommend this to anyone really who wishes to be undone from the false persona we took on from society or parents or god knows what. Time to get free is my motto and this answered to it.
Thank you always and forever !
Strange as it may sound, I took a moment to grieve my knowing of this balance, the recognition that—this connection to self, to Source—is all that matters now. That I was no longer only the frightened, curious child (unsure of the path, often shirking my roles, responsibilities and gifts), but I was both child and adult (committed to awareness, embodying the integral, sovereign soul) and renewing my choice to create equanimity and peace at a soul level.
Spiritual maturation can be accelerated using this medicinal tool. Multiple exposures in medicinal, soul exploration allows one access to a deepening of compassion, humility, forgiveness, courage, grace, dignity, and the formation of new understandings by continuously choosing to lead a meaningful life and being awake and aware of that choice.
A warm and special nod to Tove & Jeremy, who are the epitomes of grace and dignity. They are harmonious emoters of soulful wisdom. It is felt in the vibes they carry and clear through their heartful service to plants, animals and humans alike. One needs to feel safe to truly trust the unfolding of this process. By attending this ceremony, you will learn from those who know and practice their alignment, so in turn, one can begin trusting their own soul guidance.”
The first week after ceremony I was tired, sad and felt terrible. After the first week, I feel maybe the best I’ve ever been. I’ve been more dedicated and focused than ever.
One morning when I was really tired i grabbed a quad shot of coffee, out of habit, and went into the gym. I started sipping it but it just wasn’t the same. I realized I don’t need it anymore. That’s insane for me. I would never, ever not drink coffee or take substances and supplements if I felt tired and if they were right in front of me.
I’ve stopped drinking coffee since the ceremony. I only have one tea or maté now, in the morning. I also stopped smoking Marijuana. I’ve reconnected with my morning and night meditation practices in a big way.
Not only have I stopped everything, but I don’t have cravings anymore.
I’ve had many chances and temptations. After an event the other night, I was invited to partake in drugs and drinking. I was able to say no and think about my next day. For the first time in my adult life, I feel like I’m in control of my substance use. My brain is not a drug addict anymore.
I’m doing all the work I need to do in order to further my career, and shining brighter than ever. I even started training flips every morning in the gym, and I’m able to do things I was scared of before and avoiding, like backflips and back handsprings.
I go to bed every night grateful and proud of myself. I feel like a massive weight has been lifted, and I’m going to run with this.
Iboga reconnected me to how strong, powerful and amazing I am. As I write this, I start to tear up a bit.
So much gratitude to Jeremy and Deena. I’m doing my best to sing the gospel of this miraculous teacher plant, so that those who are lost in the darkness can find their way back to the light.”
I kept putting off writing a testimonial because my life has been intense this last year, in the most painfully transformative, butterfly-like way. I had to really hit bottom while the spirit world manifested itself in the material realm, through deep and mind-blowingly beautiful and painful ways. Ayahuasca has also contributed to that, but the Iboga was like yelling spiritual truth at me. Jeremy told me I wouldn’t be able to go back to exotic dancing after ceremony. I did for a time, and it pained me more than I could ever imagine. I have now officially cut ties with it, and am in healing mode, clearing my channel. I seriously cannot ever go back, unless I want to die. The light is too clear and supportive now.
I’m also nine months abstinent from bulimia, and my binging and purging. Before Iboga, I had never made it more than three months in the past 11 years.
Now that I’m not throwing my life away and selling my soul to the ‘dirty carnival’ (as Iboga referred to it in my journey), I feel limitless in the manifestations available from the divine infinite. I was desperate to change it all when I left Deena and Jeremy, and was floating on a cloud for a month, manifesting my dreams through investors—who were part of the dirty carnival. Because I still was.
Now I’m seeing that I have to clear me, and take baby steps to get to that place of wherever my higher consciousness wants me to be.”
I have no cravings for alcohol—I actually don’t even remember the taste of it. I now watch myself as I watch a movie. I don’t analyze, just let everything come and go. It’s a process.
Before, I couldn’t quite accept all the events that I experienced in my life, but now it is very easy to accept and describe them as memory. I am not afraid of any of them.
I feel very happy, my energy level is getting higher, and I also started to lose weight.
Lots of things are going on and I’m very grateful to have this medicine and this experience.
Thank you very much to Jeremy and Deena.”
But, then the next 5 hours, scenes of every fear I’ve ever imagined flashed through my mind. You name it, I saw it. Every fear. The darkest stuff you can imagine. It wasn’t like I was watching a movie, though. It felt like this was actually happening to me. This felt like the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life.
Where did this all come from, I asked? I got the answer.
Television, movies, the news. My mother used to limit our movies if there were sex scenes or vulgar words, but she never cared about violence. All of this violence that I had seen and not even thought twice about still lived on in my mind. I saw that all of this violence had deadened my conscience. It became acceptable to see these things. To not think twice about someone getting shot in a movie. Killing others, hurting others, and being unkind became the new normal. It was on TV, so that must make it OK.
After seeing these fears, I saw that they were in my mind all the time. I wasn’t aware of my thoughts, and I was constantly thinking these same fears over and over again. I saw these fears were like a film loop, constantly spinning around on a big screen—all inside the circumference of my own head.
I realized I had to start paying more attention to my thoughts, and that I would be shown later a way to change these fear-based thoughts. I also saw that it’s so important to be careful of what we let into our minds. That I could no longer watch a violent film if I didn’t want those visuals and thoughts inside of me.
When I purged, it felt great. Like long-buried things were being released.
The next part of my journey got even harder, but, oh what a blessing to have the illusions of myself revealed! I started seeing memories of times I’ve hurt someone, and justified my reason for doing so in my mind. I saw memories of times I’ve done things that weren’t right, and how I justified them and ‘made it okay’ to do these things by lies I told myself. It was hard to see this. I also saw, though, that a part of me knew. This was the part that didn’t like myself and this was why. Because I wasn’t admitting to myself all that I knew was there.
I also saw that being brought up in the Church taught me that I was already bad. As a child, any time I did wrong, I thought that meant I was bad. I saw all of these messages of how evil I was, being projected at me. These messages were arrows and I was the dartboard. Every time one of these arrows hit, they took more and more life out of me. I thought it would make me feel better by feeling more and more guilty. I had feelings of guilt going on and on in my head thinking if I could just feel enough guilt than I could make myself feel better. Well, that didn’t work. So, then I learned to justify anytime I did something wrong why I did it. I had an excuse for each action. Maybe if I could just ignore this bad behavior it would go away. But that only made it worse.
Many different scenarios played out, as I watched old things that had happened in childhood and how those moments shaped what I believed about myself. I saw that as a child I used to be so excited about life every day, eager to wake up, wondering what magic would happen that day.
I saw that at around 10 years old, because of childhood pain, that excitement for life stopped. I stopped seeing the magic of the world, and even disconnected myself from it. I lost that childhood wonder.
I saw that we have to make friends with the negative thoughts inside of us. For instance, when guilt arises, we have to acknowledge it. We can say, ‘Thank you, guilt, for showing that to me. What I did was wrong. I forgive myself. Let’s release it now.’ When we are shown fear, we can acknowledge it and thank it. We can say, ‘Thank you fear. I know you are just trying to keep me safe. And I am.’
After never really having the desire to meditate, I had the desire to meditate and watch what was in my mind more often.
I realized while I’ve often had a desire to be alone, I haven’t often really spent time getting to know myself. I’ve distracted myself with my computer, books, or music.
I often hid from people because I didn’t want them to figure out there was something wrong with me. I saw that I needed to get out in the world more. That I’ve often gone from guru to guru. But often the people with the most beautiful messages for me were the people right in front of me. And that I, too, had things to share with others, and needed to get out in the world to share these things. It’s time to stop hiding!
I needed to start saying ‘yes,’ to life more instead of closing down with ‘no,’ when I felt fear.
I saw about my intuition and how to listen to it. Often, I’ve thought I’ve been listening to my intuition, when I was really listening to fear. I saw that intuition really can only be found in the stillness, and I have to get past my fears to listen.
I saw that I have spent so much time worrying about my choices, when they all lead somewhere. There really is no wrong choice, because all choices will eventually lead to the same place. This life is all about experience, and that as long as I’m living in integrity and kindness, there’s no mistake I can make.
I also saw a lot about judgement and how harmful it is. After all, when you see yourself in everyone else, what is bad energy? It’s all you!
I also started seeing my addictions and how they’ve prevented me from living a full life. I saw that I was addicted to comfort, and often picked things that would be comfortable when the uncomfortable choice would have helped me grow. I saw that at times, I’ve been addicted to pain and actually attracted painful things to me because of this. I’ve created drama and painful situations because of this.
In my ceremony, I also experienced sudden pain in my lower back. I have had lower back pain for 15 years, and have spent thousands of dollars going to chiropractors trying to heal it. All of a sudden, I felt deep pain in my psoas muscles. I then saw a vision of my root chakra and the cords that run from it into the earth all twisted and tangled in knots. I saw that as a child, I didn’t know how to deal with the pain of this earth, so I decided to disconnect with it. This was the cause of my back pain and the medicine was healing it.
When I awoke the morning after ceremony, I had no more back pain. It was gone! I also have felt, every day since my ceremony, an incredible excitement for life. That childlike excitement is back. What exciting miracles are going to happen today? And incredible synchronicities have happened ever since.
After the journey, I also experienced no thought. I had spent so much time chattering and chattering in my mind that there was no more chatter left. It was an incredible feeling.
Since leaving ceremony, I continue to be shown things. I understand about really living in the moment. We often think, ‘There’s not enough time.’ Yet, we fill that time with worrying that a perfect moment will be over and all of a sudden we’re no longer in the moment. We lose an entire half day of our weekend because we’re already living in Monday on Sunday night. All I wanted to do was just sit and be in the stillness and enjoy the beauty of it. There’s so much beauty in a moment that we often miss. The way the light is shining, the shadows, the smells, the sounds. We miss it all by being so preoccupied with repeating thoughts in our heads.
There is so much time. When I get rid of worry and fear, time is all there is. I’ve been spending so much time listening to the worries in my mind that I’m not even fully doing what I set out to do. No wonder why time goes so fast.
Time has slowed way down since my Iboga journey. I don’t feel like I’m in a rush like I used to be. Sometimes, I get things done more quickly because all of my energy is being used to do them. And, sometimes I do nothing at all because I just want to sit and make friends with with who I am. And that’s okay. Because there’s so much time. There is time later to do the things that I need to do. Those ‘things to do’ will still be there when I’m ready to do them. And, you know what? They will get done exactly when they’re meant to get done.
Right now, I am just in the moment—without trying to hold on to it.
It’s truly beautiful, this new way of being in the world. Everyone who took this medicine had completely different experiences, but we all experienced that same stillness, and being in the moment, in the end. It brought us all to the same moment. Which is now. There is only ever now. And, I’m so glad that we are a part of it.