What If I Make A Mistake?
What if I make a mistake?
Great day amazing souls. If you are receiving this from me for the first time, welcome and I am adding the people who I have had communication with and felt you may like this email and the things I share. If not, that is ok too. Integration is so important and thank you for taking the time to read this.
Have you been feeling strong emotions, feelings and thoughts lately? I sure have and it is hard to move through sometimes. I am grateful for having these experiences as I get to know myself on a deeper level. I get to have more compassion for myself and others.
Lately, anxiety has been visiting me.
And instead of trying to make it go away, (which I did try with Hape lol), I’ve been getting curious about what it has come to show me.
Recently, I listened to Peter Crone speak about the unconscious beliefs that run our lives, and something landed deeply. If you are interested in listening, here is the link: https://youtu.be/dpT7hpo44C8
I have been afraid of making a mistake.
Not just afraid of making the “wrong” choice, but carrying a deeper belief that if I get something wrong, there will be consequences. That somehow I should have known better, anticipated more, chosen differently.
And as I’ve sat with this, I’ve begun to see just how much of my life has been built around trying to avoid that feeling.
Be responsible.
Make the right decision.
Don’t waste money.
Think ahead.
Be prepared.
Don’t get it wrong.
On the surface, these can look like responsible ways of moving through life.
But underneath them, I’m discovering something else.
Fear.
A belief that I need to control the outcome in order to be safe.
This is one of the gifts I believe medicine offers us.
Medicine doesn’t always take away what is uncomfortable.
Sometimes it holds up a mirror.
It shows us the beliefs, patterns and stories living beneath the surface, the ones quietly creating our experience before we are even conscious that they’re there.
Iboga has taught me again and again that freedom isn’t found by controlling life more perfectly.
It comes through seeing.
Seeing the story.
Seeing the fear.
Seeing what we have unknowingly organized our lives around.
“Freedom isn’t knowing I’ll never make the wrong choice. It’s knowing I don’t have to abandon myself if I do.” Treenz Quote
And then asking:
Is this actually true?
Do I really need to get everything right in order to be safe?
What if there is no wrong turns, only experiences?
What if a decision doesn’t work out the way I hoped?
What if I lose something?
What if I change my mind?
What if I make a mistake?
Could I still trust myself?
That feels like the deeper invitation for me right now.
Not to create enough certainty that anxiety can never find me again.
But to develop such a deep relationship with myself, Spirit and life that I know I can meet whatever comes.
May be safety is knowing that I won’t abandon myself when I get there.
There is something incredibly freeing in that.
To loosen the grip.
To stop trying to predict every possible outcome.
To stop believing that one wrong choice has the power to unravel everything.
To surrender a little more deeply into mystery of being alive.
Because perhaps we were never meant to perfectly control this human experience.
Perhaps we came here to experience it.
To choose.
To stumble.
To learn.
To change.
To expand.
To remember.
And to trust ourselves enough to keep walking.
So today, I’m sitting with a different question.
Instead of:
What if I make a mistake?
I’m asking:
Who might I become if I no longer needed to be afraid of making one?
That feels like freedom.
For more reflections, images and experiences from Africa, you’re welcome to visit Iboga Journey on Instagram.
@IbogaJourney
And if you feel inspired to give, there is a beautiful farming community in Cameroon rebuilding after a devastating bush fire. Any support is deeply appreciated, Basse
https://gofund.me/37a1be3d
Wishing for you that this note somehow landed gently and lightened the weight you have been carrying.
I often refer people to a local company called www.mindfulmeds.io for micro dosing support with tapering off medications for anxiety, depression, sleep, substance use support etc. Please feel free to use the code: IbogaJourney to get a 15% discount.
Much love and appreciation to you all.
With gratitude,
Basse,
Treenz
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