Hello amazing truth seekers. Wishing you all a beautiful fall. Fall is my favorite time of year, so many beautiful colors, cooler temps and also a beautiful reminder of letting go to make room for the new growth that is to come.
I want to share an experience I had a few weeks ago. A local biz was offering a “death cafe” by a lady from Peru. It really intrigued me, as when I feel into the word death, there is some fear present. I invited a beautiful friend of mine who has been experiencing many family and friends passing on, in a very short time.
We gathered in a circle and cleared ourselves and the space with sage. The experience was all guided, and there were 3 rounds of sharing based on the questions being asked. The biggest suggestion was to really practice listening and feel how the words of what someone is saying feels in your body. It was so beautiful to experience this and hold space for others to be vulnerable, raw and expressive with their emotions. To be in a safe space where all of your feelings and expressions are safe to reveal was magical and heart opening.
“In the end, only three things that matter: how much you loved, how gently you lived, and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you.”
Buddha
I received such a gift of clarity about my two father figures, whom were very abusive, from curiosity about my fear of death. Thank you curiosity. I find getting curious about something, rather than judging it, really helps to move through uncomfortable feelings. The fatherly abuse set the stage for attracting numerous abusive men into my life. I got to get in touch with some of the pain that was very deep inside of me. I had no idea the pain was still present now, as I love my life, everything is going so well, better than I could have imagined. This can be confusing sometimes, and a great way to hide and avoid some intense emotions that are ready to come up out of nowhere when life is great at the moment. When we walk this path of truth, everything shows up when we are ready to feel and acknowledge it. So please know that whatever you are going through, you have the ability to experience and feel it, otherwise it wouldn’t be happening.
I felt that I had come to a point of forgiveness: they did their best at the time with what they knew, after all is said and done. However, I missed a huge step — and that was acknowledging the little girl inside of me that wasn’t quite ready to get to the forgiveness part, due to her incredible people-pleasing skills and other adaptive qualities to keep her safe. Sitting in this pain and expressing it was so potent, as it unlocked something that I have been waiting for and working so hard at, to understand more about myself. Why have I tolerated so much shit and abuse? I went into the victim role and honoured the little girl inside, and her feelings. Anger, rage, hate and the nasty words that come out. Yes, they were mean fucking assholes, and yes, it wasn’t okay. It wasn’t easy to get really honest with myself — as a part of me, the ‘adult spiritual woman’ part, was thinking, shit, how can these thoughts still be here after all the work I’ve done. Playing victim? Really? Gotta love the beautiful contrasts to show us where we are at. With this experience, I got to experience the victim, as it plays an important role in the experience and honoring every part is super important.
