Boundaries Without Making Someone Wrong

Boundaries Without Making Someone Wrong

Great day everyone, how is your summer going?  So much is being integrated after my medicine journey in Alaska.  I have also been micro dosing with Iboga and its has been incredibly helpful assisting me with integrating what I learned.  If you don’t know about the many benefits of micro dosing Iboga, just reach out and also there is a newsletter on the website previously written.

There has been something quietly changing in the way I understand boundaries.

For a long time, I think I believed a boundary came after something had gone wrong.

Someone hurt me.

Someone disappointed me.

Someone crossed a line.

And then I had to decide what do to about them.

Sometimes that meant confronting. Sometimes distancing. And sometimes it meant closing the door completely.

There are certainly times when closing the door is necessary.  There are relationships and situations where creating significant distance is the most loving thing we can do for ourselves.

But I’m beginning to understand that there is a whole landscape between letting someone all the way in and removing them from our lives.

And I’m learning how to live there.

I’m learning that I can notice how I feel around someone without immediately deciding what that says about them.

I can notice:

I don’t feel comfortable sharing this part of myself here.

I feel guarded when this topic comes up.

I don’t feel received when I share something tender.

I notice myself wanting to defend or explain myself.

None of those observations require me to make the other person wrong.

They are simply information.

And perhaps that is one of the gifts of becoming more curious about ourselves.

“I can love you as you are, and still choose how close I stand.” Treenz

Instead of asking,

“What is wrong with this person?”

I can ask:

“What is happening inside of me in this relationship?”

Instead of deciding,

“This person isn’t safe.”

I can become curious:

“What parts of myself feel safe to share here, and what parts don’t?”

That feels very different.

I’m realizing that not every boundary needs to be spoken aloud.

Sometimes a boundary is simply choosing not to answer a question.

Sometimes it’s sharing less.

Sometimes it’s no longer looking to someone for understanding they may not be able to give.

Sometimes it’s enjoying a person for who they are without requiring them to become who I wish they were.

And sometimes, yes, its walking away.

The difference I’m discovering is that I don’t have to make someone bad in order to choose distance.

I don’t have to build a case against them to justify protecting something tender within myself.

And I don’t have to abandon myself in order to love someone as they are.

Maybe they’re an ongoing conversation with ourselves.

How do I feel here?

What am I noticing?

What belongs to me?

What doesn’t?

How much access feels right?

And perhaps most importantly:

Can I honor the answer without needing anyone else to agree with it?

I’m learning that I can love someone and share less.

I can understand someone and still say no.

I can accept someone exactly as they are and recognize that who they are determines how close I choose to stand.

There is something incredibly freeing about that.

No villain.

No battle.

No need to prove that I’m right.

Just discernment.

Just responsibility for my own heart.

Just learning, relationship by relationship, what it means to stay connected to others without disconnecting from myself.

For more reflections, images and experiences from Africa, you’re welcome to visit Iboga Journey on Instagram.

@IbogaJourney

And if you feel inspired to give, there is a beautiful farming community in Cameroon rebuilding after a devastating bush fire.  Any support is deeply appreciated, Basse

https://gofund.me/37a1be3d

Much love and appreciation to you all.

With gratitude,

Basse,

Treenz

Are you ready to experience the Master of Plants?

Upcoming Session Dates

Sept 7-12 Women’s Veteran Retreat -one spot available

Kambo Self Application Online Training Sept 18-20

Sept 25-27 Space Available

Oct 9-11 Space Available

Nov 21-22 Space Available

Dec 11-13 Space Available

Self Application Kambo Course Available Upon Request

Kambo Practitioner Course in Bragg Creek Alberta or Vancouver tbd Oct 16-23rd 2026

Private Kambo, Jaguar and Iboga sessions available

www.ibogajourney.ca

woodistruth@proton.me