I Know Fuck-All


Good Day Amazing Peeps, 


How are you all doing? I just want to let you know that I always love hearing from you. I find it hard saying goodbye after retreats, as for me you become like family.  And also, I feel that parts of myself are being healed when you come. I get to reunite aspects of myself at the same time you are working on yourselves. It is quite miraculous. So thank you :)))

“When I don’t know who I am, I serve you, when I know who I am, I am you.” 

Ram Dass 

With no further ado, regarding the topic of this newsletter, it has been revealed to me on many occasions (especially after recently experiencing a few Ayahuasca journeys this past week) that I really don’t know fuck-all.  And what a relief it is getting that strong message. It was so interesting being shown this, as my mind was wandering during the experience of the Ayahuasca medicine. She was showing me some profound things, and then next thing, my mind was off — thinking about the past, future and other people trying to figure out their stuff. Just as that was happening, Mother Ayahuasca stopped everything, and it went black. This was a strong message that ‘I know nothing,’ and that it was none of my business assuming I knew anything about someone else. What I realized is this — the amount of time and energy that ‘I’ (who thinks they know), is wasted, and takes me away from the present moment. How much am I really missing out on by daydreaming about stuff that really doesn’t matter?  

“To be fully happy and wise requires mental training, and most of that training involves having the patience to repeatedly pull yourself out of senseless narratives, driven by tension, and back to reality.” 

Yung Pueblo

What I also realized was that by making assumptions about life, others and everything, it takes up space — and there is no room for anything good, or important information, to come in. You know when you are talking with someone and they are constantly talking, and there isn’t any room for you to add? Their non-stop talking feels like I am being smothered by pollution, and I feel energetically drained after.  That is exactly what it is like with the mind making assumptions and thinking you know all the answers. Where is there space to learn and grow? There isn’t — when we think we know everything or dominate conversations. Do we really know who we are and what we are capable of? I don’t. I shock myself all the time with what is possible.  

Have you ever experienced that? You had no clue what you were capable of until it happened — and it came out of no where? How about when you just sat back, listened and waited, and everything sorted itself out perfectly — and better than what you could have imagined? Like, holy shit balls! It is miraculous when we shut the fuck up and just allow life to happen without thinking we know it all.  

Unsure about you, but my mind likes to know why, how, what, and when — and when I feel into that, it’s exhausting trying to figure everything out. I find this to be really frustrating, and it creates anxious energy, which is not real or true. I find that bringing my focus back to the present moment — by looking at my surroundings, taking a breath, or focusing on the things I’m grateful for — really helps. All that is real and true is the present moment. We can’t possibly know or predict the future or outcomes, until it happens. Leaning in and trusting that everything in life will work out perfectly (as it is supposed to) immediately relaxes and calms the nervous system. Try it out!

“Do earth a favor, don’t hide your magic.”

Yung Pueblo

I would love to hear from you. Please share how you got to experience something about yourself that you had no idea was possible. I will share first. My favourite Ayahuasca bartender was in town recently, and 3 months ago, I was gifted a medicine song that I sang in the ceremony. I practiced singing along with him for some time, and then I got inspired by another talented musician named Taylor one night, after watching his performance. I went home and wrote out the song, recorded it and sent it to the person who gifted it to me. I said, ‘Fuck it! Just do it!’ And holy cow, that was something. I also asked to practice singing the song with a beautiful small group, and he agreed. He asked me to continue singing the song in the next ceremonies he gifted, as well as another one that I have been practicing.   This was incredibly scary for me — beyond words — and the anxiety was so intense, I could barely stand it or breathe, knowing that I had to perform in front of 30 people who were deeply in the medicine. (Yes I was in the medicine, too). Well, as it turns out, I can sing! Lol! What came out surprised me so much, as I had no idea I could sing. I love singing, and always sing at home or while driving, but did not know I had a voice that could touch others in a healing way. I am beyond grateful for this discovery, and for the fact that I was able to push past the incredible fear and do it anyway. It was so exhilarating to have experienced that. I want to thank the group for their support and love, as they were a huge part of it — and the belief of my dear Ayahuasca Bartender. 

Thank you for reading.  Much love to all of you.

Upcoming Retreats: 

June 7—9 

June 14—16

Private Jaguar, Kambo and Bufo sessions are available upon request.

Please book your consult via the website www.ibogajourney.ca or email ibogajourney@protonmail.ca






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